I remember a few years ago when Ricky and I went on a Natures Sunshine trip to Disney World and I wanted to ride the TOWER OF TERROR. Ricky said no way, so he sat it out and I road it alone with perfect strangers! I loved it, even though it scared the crap out of me, there was something about the ride that was so frighteningly, exhilarating! I guess I proved to myself that I can do and conquer things that some people are not willing to do.
The other day I called a friend who is faced with a difficult issue right now, one that I have also somewhat experienced in my own life and I shared with her my love and support. (Being vulnerable ourselves sometimes allows us to check in to other people's pain more easily) She in turn sent me this card with the picture of this girl riding the "ugly bug". She sent it because she knew WE both understand right now what it feels like to ride the Ugly bug.... kind of like the TOWER OF TERROR... only its real life and we have no choice whether or not to ride... we just do because we have to!! And we hang on for dear life, because that's what life is to us...DEAR!!! So if our journey is to take us where we are headed then we must hang on even if its scary, and unpredictable. It is sure to land us back in a safe place, where we can "breathe and rise above"...
back to some peace.
Today I have also included a picture from Malorie's wedding day in August. That is the last day I can consciously remember being filled with joy and happiness. It was so much fun. Ricky and I danced and laughed and had the best time celebrating Mal and Tyler's love. Oddly enough, I had already found the lump on my breast and I secretly knew that something was not right, yet the cancer had not been confirmed by a lab yet, so I had not engaged in the worry mentality, even though I intuitively knew I had cancer. When I look in the mirror today, I see a different woman. I am lonesome for the Madelene that danced at the wedding and loves a great glass of wine. I see pain in my face where a smile used to be! I'm a natural "smiler". I want to smile OFTEN again. I know with all this comes changes that are good, but there are parts of the old me I hope are still inside of me somewhere. And no ride on any ugly bug can take that away...
So for now I'm just hanging on, sooner or later the bug will land in a great place!!
2 comments:
I am so grateful that you, Sheila, Stacie, and my dear nieces could make the baby shower in BR for Amy Claire. I was really hoping that this latest round of chemo would allow you to function in order to share this happy occasion. God answered my concerns! I hope that you could rest on the way back to Rayne. Neither chemo nor stormy weather can keep my sister down! Love you, Angie
"No force of nature will prevent Him from coming to us tossed about in the storms of our life to reassure us with the words, "Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!" His love is brought to perfection in us...no matter how imperfect we feel...Hang in there!!!
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