Today I ran into a friend in the store and she tearfully shared how touched she was each time she read my blog. And she said she often still pulls it up to read, even though I rarely post anymore, because she needs to reread my old posts of when I was struggling through some very tough times! Somehow, those intense feelings I was able to convey in writing, moved her, when she was down, she could gather strength through my courage. At the time I didn't think I was courageous... I was just venting my feelings on a blog that happened to be available for others to read. I had prayed that using a blog to journal could possibly touch others who needed to hear my story, but I guess I never really imagined that it did.
What I realize about life is that each of us suffer certain tragedies, things we think we can't survive in one piece! It doesn't have to be cancer, it can be other challenges... relationship struggles, financial burdens, grief, problems with children... it can be anything. And while we suffer through it, it is painful and frightening. I faced my cancer, just as each of you have to face whatever brings you anxiety in your life. None if it can be measured or compared for that matter. My illness, for me was monumental, and life changing, just as your problems are very big to you. What we must keep at the center of it ALL is trust in a God whose plan far outweighs our expectations. It will all pass, sooner or later and yes we will suffer again. Our God is a generous God and he will always be there to lift us out of those miserable places.
Today I feel strong, yet still have that space in my heart that longs for peace. Raising our family is challenging everyday! My teenagers are living in a world that doesn't live by the morals and codes we would want for them. So peace is hard to come by, as we fumble through this thing called parenting. My love for my family has grown day by day, and my experience with cancer was an integral part of our family's love. It is never over... the journey continues as I keep grasping at the lessons that each day, whether filled with heartache or joy, brings! It is what we are all called to do. Easy? No! but so worth it...
It took awhile for me to feel physically strong again, each day is better and better. It will take a lifetime to get spiritually strong, because each day is vital to our spirit! The strengthening of my spirit is a work in progress.
