Beginning to process!

This morning I had a surprise visit from a casual friend who has also had her own cancer experience. I am typically always rushing to get ready to do something or go somewhere, but in my new life processes, I have slowed down quite a bit. So this morning I didn't feel hurried and welcomed her visit! We sat for a while sharing our experiences, noting so many similarities in what we went through.  One in particular, was learning to allow people to do things for you, simple things that you could never imagine not being able to do! Another was how we had both been moved to a quiet listening space, spiritually. A place where, as strong willed people, we were able to give up control and release unnecessary anger and replace it with love and trust! (A job, I must say gets challenged every minute of every day.) I could see in her a genuine trust in God, a love and devotion to her spiritual connection to God and those she loves. I saw a willingness to continue her journey and let it all be about serving the Lord! I saw how she recognizes the gift in every experience, even in the awful/beautiful cancer! As I was sitting listening to her, awestruck by her confident, loving words, I was thinking how I wished I could be like that! 

She told me that I possessed strengths, clearly visible by others and how my experience has already changed me and those in my circle. I talked about how I had laughed this morning when  I told a friend of mine I had to start taking my STUPID 5 year cancer prevention medicine this week , and how she reminded me not to call it my stupid medicine! (I know the ramifications of negative talk and sometimes have to be reminded of the power of my words) They both assured me that, taken willingly and especially through prayer, this medicine may very well, in fact prevent my cancer from reoccurring, maybe even without any side effects! She reminded me to call on Jesus if I did experience more physical pain as a result of my medicines, (like the joint pain I am having from the residual effects of chemo) She told me to ask Jesus to reach out his hand from the cross and ask him to heal my pain with the hands that already suffered for me!

I am deeply moved when people show up and offer me their hearts. I am asking God to help me do the same for others. I hear his call and am a willing servant! Where will he lead? For now, I serve Him in each moment, and that is plenty, for every moment is so full. If he should call me to broader territories he will equip me with the necessities! I feel his blessings in the normalcy of my life. In the routines of a normal day, with no doctors appointments and time to plant flowers and complain about the heat, or rejoice in the rain, or dance like a fool in the kitchen and make my kids laugh! I am beginning to trust again, that  soon days will pass and I will not think about cancer, for life is too full, there is more joy to be had and I'm sure more pain too. I am learning to embrace the joy and let God carry me through the trials. I am grateful to God for my cancer, for it has taught me to make peace with my tender side, that has long been overshadowed by a need to be strong, independent, self sufficient and right!  I am amazed that I can even admit any of this, it is so freeing to be humbled to the point of needing the love of others and trusting that love is safe and will carry you through! 

The other day someone told me that when she reads this blog it looks like we have the "perfect" family! I said, "Yeah, key words... LOOKS LIKE!!!"  We have our trials, daily, my kids fuss and argue like anyones kids. I loose my patience all the time, Ricky is a big push over with the kids and we disagree a lot about discipline! But when the day is over and we look at what we have, God has blessed us with experiences that draw us close to each other and we love deeply, very deeply! In the middle of all the mistakes and all the chaos and especially in the midst of fumbling through my cancer, our family  had to dig way down and lean on each other. What I know for sure, is that when you are faced with a life threatening situation, you will rely mainly on your immediate family to get you through the things you cannot do alone. They are the ones who are there to kiss you good night and say Mom...hope you feel better when you wake up. They are the ones who will lay beside you when you can't lift your head off the pillow and stroke your bald head and cry with you! They are the ones who secretly retreat to a quiet place to tell the Lord how frightening it is to see mom sick... The very people we take for granted everyday and loose patience with are the very ones who will not let you down. As each day passes, I see more and more clearly the beautiful character traits  that are unfolding in the hearts of my husband and children! I now know why they are called  our loved ones!

 Our suffering will always bring us to glorious places, that I know for sure!  

New Baby Photos!

Our Sunday's are becoming ritualistic. We cook a good old fashioned meal, like roast and rice and gravy and then whoever can make it, shows up! I love this so much because it reminds me of how my family used to go to my grandmas for lunch every Sunday and eat a great meal and experience the freshness of country living! That is what I desire for my kids and grandkids when it works for them. Today Bryan took some really great pictures of Evie and Audrey on the new shower curtain that I made from some really great DAMASK fabric! Bryan and I can be dangerous when we put our creative minds together. 

Loving life! 

Had a great visit from our old friend Father Ben this week. What a blessing! 

Father's Day just isn't the same when your dad lives in heaven!

I don't need to ramble on today about what a great dad Ricky is. You all know I've been singing his praises for months now and today is no exception! He is still a great husband and awesome dad. My children adore him and love him dearly!

Today  I find myself thinking mostly about my dad, STAN THE MAN and the man he was to me! I miss him a lot and have leaned on him often in this cancer experience! I had this black and white picture of he and I taped to my mirror throughout all of my treatments, looking daily at his adoring smile so many Christmases ago! In that picture I had never yet disobeyed him, he had never talked to me about "c" s being only average grades and that I could do better than that! We hadn't played in the leaves he had just raked yet, I hadn't yet watched him carve a roast as though  it would be presented in some fabulous feast for some royal person, I hadn't gone fishing with him for long hours waiting for the fish to start biting and then finally landing a 7 -3/4 lb. Speckled trout! That made him so proud he was about to BUST! I hadn't yet received a beautiful Alexandrite ring he bought me on a dove hunt in Brownsville (I still love to receive gifts!) He hadn't educated me about the proper cleaning of doves after the hunt, where we watched in awe and learned all the internal organs of a freshly cleaned white wing dove! He hadn't yet met the boy I would marry, he didn't yet know that I would be the mother of EIGHT children. (Layni is still sad she never got to meet POPO!) So many things were yet to unfold, that we were not aware of! He was a strong man, in stature and character. I have always admired him and have been told that I have some of his qualities! (only his good ones, of course!) He was not perfect (as I once thought) he had flaws that made him as human as the next dad. He was my hero and I always  looked up to him!  My dad fought many battles in his life, he was a boxer that never lost a fight (no lie), he was a marine and he was a cancer survivor! When we took that picture almost 50 years ago, he didn't know that one day I, too, would battle cancer! He would have encouraged me and kept me focused on the positive! Just like he did from heaven. I would've preferred he'd been here to hug me and talk to me in person, but he was not! I make the best of communicating through prayer in hopes that he knows I still love him so much, as I know he does me! I can still smell what his cheeks smelled like when I would kiss him and I can still taste  his TROUT almondine, the best ever ( a treasured recipe from his fellow fisher friend TOPAT MORROW!)  I wish Layni could've met her POPO, she would've loved him too!  You can't smile as big as the two of us in that picture unless your heart is filled with love!  I love my dad! Hoping you are fishing in heaven today! 

A Lazy River Day with the Treutings!

We had a great visit today with the Treutings! Wendy, my niece, and her little  family, were in Pensacola and drove over to meet us. We had a good time! Bella and Sophie enjoyed the Lazy River with us and then a little time on the beach! Bet they took a nap on the way back to Pensacola.

Ricky the Tiger Fan!

We found this BIG TIGER and Ricky had to take his picture with it! 

Ben's jet ski excursion wasn't all that it was cracked up to be! The waves beat em up pretty bad and they  (Ben and his friend, Kevin) did flip it at one point. They were very TIRED after. There goes $65!! Then Mimi and Happy jumped on our Harley's and went for  a spin! HA!HA!

Sheila made us cosmopolitans, 2 batches, cuz the first ones weren't that great, but now we are enjoying the second batch! Very refreshing! Now my tongue is tied from testing all the cosmos!

Ahhhh! Relaxing at the beach!

Well, we are at the beach! And it is an awesome place and the weather is beautiful. So glad my sister Sheila chose to come with us! Our choice of TURQUOISE PLACE was a great decision! It is extremely nice, has a LAZY RIVER! And I love to float in the water. It is my mindless way of relaxing! We are enjoying this well deserved vacation, missing our kids who weren't able to come:( Blanche is having fun TEXTING on the beach!

Am taking Ben to ride jet a jet ski in a little while, since it is his lifetime dream and he is finally of age! Will post that later!  Gotta go have some more fun!

We had fun!

Our anniversary was great. We had a quiet night at Zea's!!! Thai Ribs, Asian Almond Shrimp, and Corn Cheese Grits! Topped off with Bread Pudding  (compliments of Eddie, our waiter) and then a special treat from my friend Gerald... a super, duper hunk of cheesecake!!! Thanks Gerald! Love ya! Am still smiling today, thinking about our great anniversary! 

BEACH BOUND TOMORROW!!!

Our 33rd Wedding Anniversary!

I have been married to my high school sweet heart for 33 years today! When I met Ricky Boudreaux he was in the 8th grade! He looked really cocky and he didn't walk, he strutted! He thought he was really cool! Then we got to high school, and in my sophomore year we met up at the yearly RICE FESTIVAL. He asked me to ride the rides and so our romance began on a ferris wheel overlooking the main street of Crowley. He held my hand that night and I noticed how rough his hands were (must be a hard working young man!) I soon began to think that Ricky Boudreaux was really cool too! He was a bit rough around the edges, kind of a BAD BOY, sports jock! My dad always thought he needed a haircut!  I thought I could tame him! HA! His Dad would pay him $10 for each touchdown he would score! He recalls a night that he made $40 in one game! All the while I'm on the sidelines cheering!!! We had the typical teenage dating relationship, we fought over stupid jealousies and broke up and made up more times than I can count. After high school when Ricky decided to work full time I decided we just as soon get married... he's says I've gave him an ultimatum. I don't know if that is accurate, but we did marry soon enough for me. We were very young, I was 18 and he was 19! The odds of a lasting marriage were certainly not in our favor! Ricky Boudreaux and I grew up together. Our first experience with any emotional trial was when I delivered our first baby boy which was stillborn. I was devastated and right away Ricky had to learn how to carry me through an emotional time! 8 kids later, he has grown to be the most wonderful (sometimes too nice) dad he could ever be! I love him more today than I could have ever imagined!
I have never stopped loving him! Of course, there were times when we got so busily caught up in life and the kids and the world that we (I) might've not kept our relationship as a top priority. But swiftly, faster than you can say "INFILTRATING DUCTAL CARCINOMA" that all changed. Suddenly, more than ever I needed Ricky to be there for me, to hold me up, to carry me, to LOVE me, to tell me I'd be okay again! And without fail, without falter he lifted me and showed to me the deep meaning of our vows... the in sickness part, the love is patient, love is kind part! I am amazed at his dedication to me and his children! I was telling Father Buddy the other day, that when he stands before couples at their weddings and they profess their love to each other, how can you get them to truly grasp the depth of the VOW? My husband is a shining example of being true to that wedding vow. He loves me completely, as I do him! He has taught me the true meaning of Love. He is Christlike in many ways.
I am so blessed to be his wife!
Ricky no longer struts when he walks, he is sure footed, on a path of love and service, there is nothing cocky about him, he is genuine, soft hearted and dedicated to life! He is a giver. And I have received so much love from him. I love Ricky Boudreaux! More now than ever before! 

I had "as good as I once was"  as background music for the following video but the you tube police didn't allow it! 

My journey in Sculpture!

When I was in the midst of chemo and the journey seemed difficult to do alone, I felt so weak, so fragile! For the first time in my life I had no choice, but to lean on others to carry me through and lift me in prayer. Without those holding me up I would have felt so defeated. During that time, one day when I was at Barnel's Framing and gift shop I came across these beautiful "Women of the Way" sculptures. I was so taken be their profound messages, by the way they spoke to me. There were many to choose from, but in my brokenness, I was drawn to the one called SWEET ENCOURAGEMENT.  It's message was "Two are better than one... for if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow..." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

There were many times throughout these past few months that I would look at that statue and  see my broken spirit in the woman being held and was so grateful I was constantly being reminded to keep my eyes on the Lord, that there were people in my life showing me the way! 

I also realized, in time, that it was a difficult time for my family and friends. They suffered as they watched me suffer. And at times I felt disappointed by the distance that cancer created in my relationships with my loved ones! Things shift and people react differently when we change. I was the STRONG one who became very weak, I needed people to show up! I remember a day when my good friend came over and she was devastated because of the shift in our friendship during the illness. Things had changed because of my brokenness  and she was desperately trying to cope with my illness and step in to a role in our friendship that was not familiar. That experience taught me so much. Our expectations of people are sometimes unfair. People who truly love you, give you what they can, what they are capable of!  And that is really all we need. Maybe there isn't a right or wrong way to love, you just love. And my dearest friends certainly loved me through my darkest hours!  

On my last day of radiation, that same friend, who felt like she hadn't done enough for me, showed up with the second sculpture, CELEBRATION! "Rejoice with them that rejoice..." Romans 12:15  It is such a joyous symbol of triumphing through the trials, significantly shared with others.  Thank all of you for CELEBRATING the finish line of treatment with me. It is truly a joyful time! I have been truly loved by many!

Sunday was Ricky's Birthday!

We celebrated Ricky's Birthday Sunday afternoon with cake and home made ice cream. Looks like there is always someone missing for a picture! Usually Ben, cuz he's always off fishing somewhere. One of Ricky's favorite things is being surrounded by his kids and grandkids, so he was certainly "HAPPY" in this picture. Later Audrey and Evie played on the floor together. Audrey is beginning to realize that Evie is a person that moves and cries. She is fascinated by watching her! They are so cute together.

As Popo would say, "I'll drink to that!"

<
Momo proposed a toast to my courage and to good health! Amen!

DONE!!!!

I am officially FINISHED with all of my radiation treatments! My journey of treating my breast cancer began in September of last year and it ended yesterday. That was 8 1/2 LONG months. But the end finally came! My family helped me celebrate in a really big way last night. Ricky cooked a brisket (his first time) that was delicious. Everyone else helped out with all the other food. And the cake was delicious! Thanks Vanessa!
Blair got really creative with the decorations! Especially my wigs! By the end of the night everyone was wearing a wig! Even Momo Joyce! Was great to laugh and celebrate!
I still have so many feelings and emotions I want to share. I will take my time to sort through them and continue to post them. For today, I will just CELEBRATE life!

A good day!

Today was a good day! In one way I am sad, because I am so loving the technicians doing my treatment now at the radiation place in Lafayette! I will miss them (am still so glad to be finishing) I had switched over to Lafayette midway into my treatment and was very satisfied with the new Dr., clinic, treatment and nurses! Wish I had started there to begin with.  Don't always know why things unfold as they do, am leaving that to the Man upstairs, trusting in his plan!

I am learning, day by day, to give up my need to control things! It works much better that way! 

Even though my treatment plan comes to an end tomorrow, I will trust that you will continue to keep us in your prayers and pray that I be spared of a re-occurrence!  My doctors will keep a close check on me with check ups about every 3-4 months! 

So life changes drastically real soon and I am ready to embrace it full throttle! 

Am looking forward to our beach vacation and will continue to post about my crazy life and my beautiful family. Be sure and check the blog this weekend to see how we celebrate the end of the road!! 

Blanche and Matt took this super picture at the beach! And here is Evangelene rocking on the patio with Mimi!

3 Days and counting!

I can't believe that by Friday night I will be talking about my radiation in the past tense. WOOO HOOO!! We will celebrate at home with my family. My special requests for the celebration  were wine and a cake made by Daisey Cakes (Vanessa) the best cakes EVER!!! Blair ordered the cake, the flavor will be a surprise! Yummo! 

     The treatments are going along better. NO more burning. A feeling of  relief and joy are filling my heart!