A different kind of Christmas

I wish I could sit here and write about the fantastic Christmas we had and how all is well, but truth be told it was a little difficult. Life as we know it at Christmas time was not at all familiar. We kept it simple with just our kids here...yes I know just our kids means a lot of people. We did that on purpose trying to keep things a little quiet. That was a good thing, because I basically just laid around holding my stomach, trying to find ways to ease up the discomfort. My daughter is dating a really sweet guy, who visited a couple of times during the holidays and I commented how he really hasn't "met" me, cuz who I am today is not the real me... I'm not sure who I will be after all of this, but I am certainly not the person who has to muster up strength to get out of bed and find safe foods to eat that will not tear me up inside. I have realized that I was truly not prepared for the emotional toll the chemo would take on me. I expected physical discomfort, yet even with that,  I thought I would be one of those that "Breezes" through the chemo! If I am honest with myself, I would say it has been hard physically as well as emotionally. Feelings of inadequacy and fatigue sometimes consume my once optimistic mind and it takes everything I have to make it through a day! And right when I'm about to give up I finally start to feel physically better and I rally up and enjoy a few days before my next chemo.

I know that many people have  it much worse than I do and I can't imagine what they must have to go through in their treatments. I believe strongly in a God that carries us when we can not do it alone. More and more I depend on my faith to get us through these times that will bring us to a brighter day. And if I am honest with myself, I can admit that sometimes I am not comfortable in my own skin, that somehow Madelene has gone away and I try to figure out ways to find her again. I have found comfort in tear drops that cleanse me from the inside.  I used to have no patience for my tears, now I relish in them knowing that as each one rolls down my face it has  a purpose in my healing, the one that Jesus is in charge of...my spirit and my life... and as that healing takes place there will be no room for cancer! I pray that I can continue to embrace the beautiful lessons that continue to unfold as we journey through the rest of these treatments. My lessons in love and life are immeasurably important to me as I try to grasp each one and pay close attention to what Jesus is whispering to me as he carries me through the valley. He is telling me to LOVE!  You know what? Christmas WAS different, but it was GOOD!!

A fun visit with cousins!

Today my cousin, Chris Butaud, and his family were in for the holidays. They flew in last night from a very snowy Seattle. We hadn't seen them in very long time.  So we gathered up a few more cousins and had a great little lunch visit! I can remember when we  were little kids and we would all gather at my grandma's house and how loud and chaotic the holiday would be, all the babies and all the commotion, but we had so much fun!  So now we start creating new traditions and memories for each of our own families. It's hard to let go of the old traditions, but as each year passes time presents new situations and events that create our new precious moments. And so the cycle starts anew! The old memories are sweet and so will the new ones be!

Blair's baby Shower!

What a joyous occasion! Today was Blair's baby shower at my friend Nina's lovely home, given by Blair's friends and family. What a great job they did! Everything was so cute, sooo Blair! The food was delicious too! Little Audrey Lane will be well set with beautiful, stylish clothes and a really cute nursery. Only a few weeks away until her arrival. She is due on February the 1st. Mimi better get rockin' on her drapes and bedding. Be sure and check out the "HEEL-ARIOUS" zebra print high heel shoes that Amy gave her!! Today was great, all good. I am so happy for Blair and Glen!

     I am so glad that I have finished the first regimen of treatment, the harshest part is now behind me!! So whatever effect it has on me this time, I won't have to do it again!!! The next round of 12 consecutive weeks will of course not be a breeze, but should be better.

     Dr. Brierre was a good sport again, agreeing to be on my blog cuz now I have as little hair as he and Ricky! 

     Maddie and Haley had their Buddy Christmas play yesterday and they performed  a couple of Christmas skits with their little kindergarten buddies. It was so well done and definitely brought the focus of Christmas on the birth of Jesus for our students at school. It was very touching!

     This Sunday is Blair's baby shower, so we are very much looking forward to that fun day. We have started on decorating the nursery, which of course, will be so "Blair" and cute. She is going with brown and white zebra print and pastel pink, and olive green. Will have to post pictures of Audrey's little room  when we are finished. I am going to try my hand at sewing the curtains. Haven't sewed in a while.

     I don't know why I am sharing this but it was so stupid I feel it's more like a confession. I was told that sometimes on chemo, your thought processes can be affected, which certainly has happened to some degree, so I don't know if I am confusing CHEMO BRAIN with the Faulk curse of A.D.D. ! But the other day when I got in my suburban to go to town, I got all situated with  my bank deposit and my purse and da da da! Then I put the car in reverse and ran into the CLOSED gararge door. Oh how stupid. Cancer teaches me to live in the moment, but that day I guess I wasn't. I called Ricky crying in the driveway and the precious man just comforted me and said it would all be okay. Cancer is teaching him many things too, obviously, cuz I can recall times not so long ago that I MIGHT have gotten screamed at for such a stupid thing!! We are all learning patience and enduring gracefully what this journey presents. I am amazed at the good things that come from this unpleasant situation. God has so many gifts wrapped up in unsuspecting places. 

    So speaking of wrapped up gifts, I have learned this year to not overload myself with the search of  perfect gifts, have even cut down the number of gifts given, not because I don't want to give, I am just so wrapped up in the  awe of those that have given to me. Nothing could ever equally measure what we have been blessed with by friends, family and even acquaintances! I am spending all of Advent in prayer of thanksgiving for all the love we have received. And as each of us await the birth of our Lord I pray that we all give from  our hearts to the Christ we see in everyone during this exciting Christmas season. 

     I was taken by a phrase in one of the songs used in the school play about the faith of Joseph, to accept and agree to join Mary's journey as her husband. I am realizing more and more the value of my faith. Our faith helps us to believe in things we cannot see and even though I can't see my healing taking place, I must have the faith that it is happening! 

"What is faith?... it is the evidence of things we cannot see. God gave his approval to people in days of old because of their faith." Hebrews 11:1-2

Christmas with my Supper Club friends!

Well Christmas is almost here and last night my "gal" friends gathered at Sandra's house. It was a nice enjoyable evening, even though I wasn't able to partake in the wine! These treatments have my stomach not able to tolerate my love of wine and delicious holiday foods. But the company was delightful and I had been needing a girl's night out. I will have Chemo on Wednesday, the last of the yukky RED one!! Then starting the year off, I will begin a different regimen, one that may be a little kinder! Hoping everyone enjoys preparing for Christmas and the pleasures of seeing family and friends! Love to all! Madelene

Who else but Michael Buble to help celebrate a Louisiana Snowfall! Click and listen!

"Sneauxing" in Louisiana!!

Well,  lookie here, theres a snowman at our house!! Malorie called at 5:30 this morning to let us know she was outside at her house in Crowley making snowballs. So we woke everyone up and we made our own little mini snow man! Bryan was not at all impressed, having endured a GAZILLION more times snow in Indiana! Anyway, LET IT SNEAUX, LET IT SNEAUX, LET IT SNEAUX!!! Love the Boudreaux's!

Embracing Christmas...

     I was saying today that when I feel really yukky, its hard to look forward and know that things will be back to normal one day. Yet as each day passes, I know with conviction that I am getting better and the chemo is doing its job, destroying any chance of cancer finding refuge in my body. I thought that today would be a great day to refocus my heart on the goodness of Jesus in this Advent season as we all wait for Him. I must remember, like Maddie said in her KEEP CHRIST IN CHRISTMAS essay, that during this special time of Advent we must welcome Jesus into the world again!   

   I think we all get caught up in what we are waiting for...I'm waiting to feel better, we're waiting on 2 new precious babies, the kids are excitedly awaiting  the holidays with no school and the joys of Christmas, each and every one of us is being called to wait, and in our impatience, sometimes we loose sight of the beauty of the day at hand. For today, I pray that I stop overlooking today's blessings while I anxiously await what is yet to come. For today, I cannot forget to welcome Jesus in my world again, for I know he is here carrying me and each of you through whatever life is presenting us. He is, I know he is.

Third yukky chemo and a Christmas Party

     Three Down and only one to go of the more difficult chemo. I am told that the twelve weekly treatments following these won't be as difficult. I hope they are right. This one wasn't quite as bad as the one before. My meds for nausea were adjusted so it is a little more tolerable. Not great, though! My bed is my best friend now. 

    Yesterday we were invited by the Miles Perret Center to a Christmas Party at the Harley Davidson Place in Scott. I had told the girls we would go, but didn't feel that great, so Blanche drove us over there and we were treated to a sweet little Christmas Party and the girls each got  a really nice gift and got to visit with "SANTA"!! As I look at the pictures I am realizing how grown up they've become over the past few months, not just because they are growing up, but because of the emotional trials they (we) have been through since my diagnosis. All of it has brought us closer together and more sensitive to each others needs. It is all good, just emotionally challenging at times. 

     When we were offered the photo op on the Harley, the girls weren't too excited, but I really wanted to sit on a Harley, so they humored me and took the picture!

After that we came home and I went straight to bed. I am learning to give in when I should, even without guilt, cuz I know I need the rest and the healing time!  I know and trust that I will soon be feeling joyful most of the time again, but for now I am just being honest with what it is! Today is better, each day is better!  Angie, my sister is in town, at my mom's next door, helping confuse today's menu, which is why we'll end up with TWO roasts instead if one!! I do hope I get the old fashioned spaghetti/cheese (macaroni) casserole I requested just like my grandma used to make! It was great for Angie to come lay in my bed and hold me! I needed that. I am loved, yes I am loved!! 

"I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and think about the difference now."

Psalm 77

Fun at Melba's market!

     I know that the pictures make it look like we were set up in a mall or something, but that is the foyer in Melba's  very lovely home. Blair and I went  to Houston on Monday to my friend Melba's house. Every year she hosts a 2 day Christmas shopping party and her friends who have goods to sell set up "Booth" spaces in her home. This year we sold lots of our DIP DIVA dip mixes.  It is always loads of fun, meeting new people and making new friends. I was so touched by the number of people I met who all said they had been praying for me! I am in awe of that, really! It is no wonder I feel lifted every day. It was all so much fun and a great distraction for a change! 

     I got to see my new grand nephew. Donna and Monique came by Melba's for a visit and we got to meet little Jackson Bennett. He is very cute and sweet. Was so glad to finally see him in person. And so speaking of babies... we found out today that Kristin and Bryan are going to have a GIRL!!!! So two little girls are on the way in the Boudreaux family. We are overjoyed and so excited!! So much to look forward to and get well for!

    Chemo is tomorrow  (Thursday) morning. Not much to say about that, except that'll be one more down. It is going faster than I thought it would. Hope this one will not be as rough as the last one.... p.s. I am adjusting to wearing the wig and also gettin comfortable with my shaved head too! Everyone at Melba's thought the wig was MY hair! Funny!! 

Love you all.

"Listen to me! You can pray for anything and if you believe, you will have it. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too."

Mark 11: 24-25