A little bit of normal life!

     We started the week by celebrating Blanche's 28th birthday, anticipating that maybe little Audrey would choose to be born on her Nanny's birthday, but she's much too comfy, cozy in her mother's womb. Her due date is Sunday, Feb. 1st. So I guess we all just need to be patient. 

    Today I included a picture of Ben and one of his successful goose hunts. He spent the majority of every weekend this winter hunting ducks and geese. Ben is fine as long as he can hunt and fish and he had a great hunting season this year. 

      On Wednesday Haley participated in the Acadia Parish Science Fair and received 3rd place in her category. She had done a project with two plants, each grown in exact same conditions except that one had soft, easy listening music playing throughout the day while the other did not.  And the plant that was exposed to the music actually thrived much better than the one that did not. I know how much good music can affect my mood, I guess it's true for plants too! 

     Wednesday's chemo went okay. Am feeling a little better each week now that the first round of chemo is finally getting out of my "system" so these new treatments are so much more tolerable. Day by day I have more energy and strength. Ricky said tonight his wife is 75% back. I think that is a stretch but I am getting my groove back just a little at a time. 

      I promised Tracie at Dr. Brierre's office to send her my recipe for the Mediterranean hummus that I made for them this week so I decided to post it since some of you have already tried my cheesecake brownie recipe, like Aunt Selma! Uncle Hu  loved em so much he said he would bring some to his Weight Watchers meeting. I think the hummus would be a "safer" selection as far as points go in Weight Watchers!!! 

    So if any one is interested here is the recipe: (you know I'm feeling better if I'm posting recipes!) I knew I could get more creative with this blog as time went along. For someone who wants her own food network show I need this internet exposure!!! lol!

Mediterranean Hummus

2 cans of Chick peas (garbanzo beans)

4 T. sesame tahini (its ok to leave this out if you don't have it)

1/3 cup  olive oil

1/3 cup lemon juice

1/4 cup cold water

A big dash of Italian dressing

3 cloves garlic

1 teaspoon of salt

1/4 teaspoon red pepper (True Cajuns can substitute Tony Chachare's for the salt and pepper) 

Garnish with , chopped sundried tomatoes, chopped green onions, chopped olives of your choice,  parsley, crumbled feta cheese and paprika.

Process everything but the garnishings in the food processor until smooth. Place in a serving bowl and add garnish. Chill and when ready to serve drizzle with olive oil. Serve with cut up pita bread. Tastes very close to Zea's hummus! 

What is the deal with me and my hair?

     This past Wednesday (Chemo day)  when I woke up I decided to make a batch of my delicious CHOCOLATE CHIP CHEESECAKE BROWNIES and take some to the staff at Dr. Brierre's office.  I am in such awe of the extremely sensitive and kind care that I receive each time that  I am there. I just wanted to do a little something for them, and I needed to get back in the kitchen and try to start acting like a mom again! 

     When we were on our way to my appointment,  I ran my fingers through my wig and it felt like I may have gotten some of the dough from the brownies in my hair.... as I looked more closely I realized that my wig, the one that looks so natural, the one that people (even strangers in the mall) stop and say "Oh I love your haircut!", the one that I wear everyday and have become increasingly addicted to....  was MELTED!!!! Yes, you heard me, MELTED!!! When I had opened the oven door to take out the delicious, wonderful brownies out of the oven, the heat from the oven had singed and melted the right side of my, what used to be really cute, wig! Now anyone else may not notice this at first glance, but each time I touch the sparse, crispy, piece of hair on the wig I can not believe that the only decent hair I had left is ruined! Yes, Lord, you can stop now, I have faced and confronted  my vanity issues. I know its what's on the inside that counts! Got it!

      I guess I 'll have to make a little visit to WIGSALON.COM and get a new "DO"! 

     I had no idea that cooking would be a hazard while "wig wearing"! I promise from now on this gal will only cook and bake  bald headed! So this Wednesday if I get a "Wild Hair" to whip something up for my peeps at the Doctor's office I will proceed with caution and keep my wig at a distance! 

     The brownies were good, by the way, so I decided to include the recipe. Enjoy!

Chocolate Chip  Cheesecake Brownie Bars

2 rolls of slice and bake chocolate chip cookies (any brand works well)

1  8oz. pkg cream cheese

1 whole egg plus one egg white

3/4 cup sugar

Slice the first roll of cookies and layer in bottom of a 9x13 pan and press edges together. In a bowl mix cream cheese, sugar and eggs until smooth. Fold over  first layer of cookie dough, then slice second roll and place slices over  the cream cheese mixture. Top layer of cookies will spread over mixture when baked. Bake at 350 for about 20 to 30 minutes until golden brown.

Hope you enjoy them...

If you have on a wig, be careful!!!

     

      

Going through treatment "grace" fully!

     Today  I had chemo again and I commented to someone that maybe there is no such thing as going through cancer and chemo gracefully, yet it is so filled with GRACE!! So we take each day and gather from it the best that we can and gain a little more grace and a little more courage. Today was no exception!

     Today little miss Emma Reynolds, a pre-k student at Central Rayne Kindergarten, came to get a haircut for the Locks of Love program. Her hair is silky shiny, with beautiful natural blonde streaks. Any young girl would be so blessed to receive her kind donation of a pretty blonde pony tail. When we were done with her new do, her eyes were sparkling and she was so proud! I asked her if she understood that some child who'd lost her hair due to illness was going to receive a wig made from her awesome hair. She was fully aware of that and then I told her that I, too, had to wear a wig because I had lost my hair. I told her how it made me sad to lose my hair and then hopefully, without upsetting her too much I let her sneak a peek at my bald head under my wig. She got a little teary eyed and I am certain she GOT IT! Her tender little spirit already knows compassion and love and at a very young age she is already willing to express her kind heart by being a GIVER! Today Emma helped me live out a day of Chemo "grace"fully! Thank you Emma for following your heart. Your mom and dad and Ms. Patsy must be so proud of you!

 

"God gives wisdom, knowledge and joy to those who please him."

Ecclesiastes 3: 26

They used to call me smiley!

     When I was a very little girl and I would go to Boyer's Drug Store with my mom, there was a lady that worked behind the counter that would always call me "Smiley"! I remember it like it was yesterday. She knew how to make beautiful Pom pom bows out of curling ribbon, with her bare hands, no little gizmo that made it for you. I remember watching her like she was magic or something. And when she put that bow on the gift it was PERFECT!!! The gift we would always pick for everyone, especially if they were sick was a can of those candy balls with the stripes on them and when you put them in your mouth they would kind of fizz and melt away. My favorite was the citrus flavored ones... Anyway, I don't even know what that ladies' name was, but she had me convinced I was happy, Cuz every time she looked at me and called me Smiley, I would smile even more. Then one day when our family went on a social outing to someone's house for supper, as the mom's visited in the house and the dad's probably barbecued outside, the kids all played outside and one of the little girls there refused to play with me because I had "ugly teeth"! I had developed a couple of cavities, front and center and I knew it looked weird, but no one had ever told me it was UGLY.  (I guess I might've had too many citrus fizzy balls myself!)  That was my first and maybe only really humiliating experience in my first 5 or 6 years, but the impact lasted a while.... at least until those rotten teeth fell out and then my fresh crooked ones came in!! Maybe my smile faded a while, for fear of being ridiculed again, but it I was still happy! I've been basically happy most of my life, I love to laugh and enjoy making others laugh. So lately, as I struggle to find joy in anything, smiles and laughter are few and far between. I even get those emails that you answer questions in one word and I can't even identify what I like or what makes me happy right now. Even though there are lists miles long of things that are great in my life, some days I am just stuck in what feels like a time warp of waiting and waiting for things to get better. I understand now how people get depressed and have a hard time rallying up out of the funk, when they can't muster the strength to smile, let alone laugh! These times leave me as quickly as they come, so I try not to get attached to the misery.  So it really even seems pointless to write about it, because most likely by the time you read this, I will be in a better state of mind, so don't let this upset you or make you feel sorry for me. I will be okay very soon. I am just at a point where I'm trying to be real honest with myself about what this all feels like, so journaling about the anguish allows me to voice it because it is real and then release it because I desire to find my joyful spirit. 

     I kind of feel like that little girl again, like someone stole my smile from me, but I know I will find it again. It's not really even about what I LOOK like right now (a wig and expert makeup application can take care of all what the cancer and chemo did to me esthetically, that part I have down pat) It's waking up one morning realizing that some of my kids are not doing that great in school right now and I didn't even know it... it's realizing that basketball season is over and DONE, today, and I only felt good enough all season to make ONE game! It's losing the 10 pounds I always wanted to lose,  only to leave me really frail looking instead of strong and fit. 

     It's people saying to me over and over, "It could be worse!" Yes, it could be and I know that, and I sit many times in prayer for those that are worse off than me, because I can only imagine their pain, their trials, their misery! But I can only live out of what my experience is, this is the one God gave me. It is what life is presenting me right now. It is what it is. I do the best I can with what each day brings and sometimes I fail miserably. But I can no longer be the "Smiley Girl" when I don't feel like smiling! I have to learn to be okay in my own skin, even when things seem gloomy. And I can't give up hope and I desire to pray again, not just for others, but for myself!  I have to believe that this is what the chemo does, this is not who I have become! Because somewhere underneath this bald head and these achy bones, is the real Madelene and she remembers how to smile. I am realizing as I write this and my children may read it, they may think that I don't appreciate them, that they don't give me pleasure.  My family does so much to keep me lifted. They are the reason I begin again each day and  pick myself up to carry on. I am sorry that my illness has caused them pain. I hate that the most! The internal pain that I feel emotionally does not come from my outward experience, it is not because some one is not pleasing me, it is not a result of what is happening around me. It is no ones fault.  Everyone in my circle is going above and beyond anything I would have expected. The journey  is deeply personal, intensely private. So, no one can get inside my head and fix it. Only time.... I am really counting on time to take care of all of these feelings. 

     I just took a break from writing this and stepped out into the salon to cut one of my favorite clients hair. Much to my surprise she was using a cane to walk and had broken her pelvis over the Christmas holidays. This is not her only setback, she also suffers from macular degeneration and has lost the majority of her eyesight. As I stood there in awe of her, trying to take a breather from my PITY POT, I asked her if some days she doesn't feel like crying and just giving up and she said with much conviction, "That is just not an option!"

    So I sit here and promise to you that for today I will gather myself back up and carry on and not let tears and self pity be an option.... at least for today!!!

     Meanwhile, Blair has begun a smidgeon of dilating and I know I will be all smiles when I see her baby!!!  Okay..... now I feel better!

Holy Toledo!

     We went to my favorite place this weekend. Wasn't sure I was even up to the trip, but like my boss, Ronnie, said a bad day at Toledo is better than a good day at home. And he was right! There is a certain feeling of serenity that the place exudes, hence the name "SERENITY HILL." When I walk in the door there is a smell that I can't identify that gives me comfort.  Of course it doesn't hurt that the home itself is beautiful and sits on a very scenic hill overlooking  the lake. I have been there many times now, too many to count. Each visit, as great as the previous. Some of them have been heart wrenching like the time we went and little baby Elle's health declined every moment we were there. I remember staying in fervent prayer constantly, and as I gazed at the natural awesome beauty around me I had to believe that God, in his magnificent plan, would make everything better and heal our brokenness. As we await our 2 new granddaughters, He has restored my faith in his healing promise. There was the time that Ricky and I went, just the 2 of us. SOOO relaxing!!! Maddie reminded us that she doesn't like it when we go without them. But Ricky and I both know how vital it is that we have sacred time alone! There have been times the WHOLE family comes to help with my designated task. Those times will be treasured... such a great place for wholesome family fun and sun! Then there was the time Kathy and Skip came with us... We grilled steaks on the half finished back porch and literally danced under the stars! Or the time Mom and Sheila came and Mom got to fish again... Or the time Donna and Mike came and we drank too many margaritas and played Mexican train...WOO HOO!! Angie, I know, its your turn now!! We must make a sister trip!  One of my favorites was the time my girlfriends came with me, as I was healing from my second surgery. They literally had to nurse me, in my physical brokenness, but nothing could replace the  personal healing  that took place in each of our hearts as we shared our innermost feelings about so many things! I guess I must thank them once again for making me choose between Tylox and WINE!!! I guess good friends and wine is all you ever really need!

      This trip was quiet for me, recovering from the flu and chemo, so I just quietly sat by the fire in the house  as the girls and Ricky fished on the dock. I watched them from the house, in delight that they are learning to carry on, in spite of how I'm feeling. 

     This is more than just a job for me. It is a blessing in my life that measures beyond belief, I get to do what  I love, in a beautiful place that gives me comfort and eases my burden when I am there. It is a holy place, a place where we cannot escape all the goodness God has to offer. And that is why I call it Holy Toledo!! Thank you Ronnie and Melba, I love you both dearly.  I am so blessed! 

The flu and chemo!

Okay, so maybe I should've taken the flu shot! I either have a really bad cold/sinus infection or the flu or bronchitis. Not fun when compounded by chemo! It would be safe to now call yesterday the WORST DAY EVER! Chills and fever all day. Chemo is tomorrow,  joy! joy! Have had to really cut back on work this week, I can't stand for very long! Cancelled all of today's appointments.   This too shall pass. So for now, everyone who has been saying let me know if you need anything... I need something. I guess a couple of good meals this week would be helpful. We have managed well lately, but I haven't rallied up this week and Rick is busy with the girls finishing up basketball season. Do you all know how humbling it was to write that? To actually face and admit that this week we can't seem to do it alone? Well, I am grateful for each of you that has offered  help so unselfishly! We are blessed. Thanks for listening and being there. 

"Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom" 

Prroverbs  11:2

CAPS FOR SALE!

 When I was a little girl I had a book called CAPS FOR SALE!  The man would walk around with a bunch of hats on his heads, selling them around town. I read that book over and over. The other day I decided to put all  my hats on my head and I reminded myself of the man in the book. I have grown quite fond of, yes even dependent on my hats. Typically, I only wear my wig, when I am out and about, (which is not often!)  The wig, although it makes me feel esthetically confident, really is uncomfortable after a while. Yesterday Ricky drove me to Lafayette to run a few errands and do a little work. On the way home I got so claustrophobic wearing the wig, I just needed to take IT OFF!!! But I didn't have any hats in the suburban to replace it  if I took off the wig. The hats keep my head warm, and not quite as many people do double takes when they see you. It is probably the insecurity of being "Exposed" that I really dislike the most. Ricky came to my rescue with his LSU cap and I was able to take off the wig. Home is my comfort zone, wig or no wig, hat or no hat. The people in my home have adjusted to what I am going through, they know that tears are usually fleeting and fever eventually goes away. They know what my bald head looks like and they know I miss my hair! Others happen upon my bald head, when they come to visit. Somehow thats not too bad, because I am comfortable at home no matter who comes in the door. It is my space, my place to heal, almost like a safe cocoon! 

       Every year for Valentine's Day, Blair and I and a few other hairdressers go to school for Locks of Love Day, when some of Rayne Catholic's elementary girls donate their pony tails to those who have lost their hair due to illness and /or chemo. It is always a very powerful, meaningful celebration! This is the first year I will  do this with a bald head myself!! It brings a whole new meaning to the beautiful gesture, these girls are doing! This year the kids will pay to be able to wear red or pink and the proceeds will benefit the Miles Perret Center.  What an awesome event to be a part of! 

Chemo is always a trip!!!

     Today started out and I pushed one of Ricky's buttons, the one I know better than to push, the financial worry button, so I guess in essence I got what I asked for.  But as a wife and mother who has always pitched in for income, I have been feeling some inadequacy in that area. So then I start worrying that "there's not enough"!! I forget about the teachings of abundance!!! Boom, just gone out the window!!! I know, that I know there is always enough... then the devil gets hold of me and I start thinking I can fix this!!! Meanwhile, some of my very kind clients, out of respect for my recovery, are not calling for appointments... Yet there are days that I feel well enough to work. I am learning patience and am praying that when the right time presents itself, all of this will work out for the better. Meanwhile I am doing what I can, when I can and I should be enjoying the times that I DO get to rest and recover! All that....da da da.... was not worth the stress it must put on Ricky to take care of me and continue to work so hard and hear me complain about my fears of income! I shed a few tears and played the I don't want to talk anymore game, then the Chemo episode cheered me up, so I'm better now! Isn't that strange that chemo would cheer me up, but if you were surrounded by the characters that I see every week you would laugh too! Blessings keep turning up in the strangest places! 

     When I got to Chemo I  was still in my quiet, leave me alone, I fear for my future mode, so I picked out my snacks of choice (you can munch while you have chemo, it helps the process) and picked out a book that caught my eye, so I could sit and read and NOT TALK!!  I have been wanting to read some more of Marianne Williamson's books and there it was on the shelf, so I picked a very appropriate title that felt right for the day... A WOMANS WORTH!!!  It truly is a wonderful book and as I read it I began to feel comforted by my feminine concerns and I can't wait to continue to gather and soak in all that she has to say!...So here I am so IN TO my book and I look up and there are 2 men starting there chemo. The nurse had given me the remote for the TV and I chose NOT to turn it on. The quiet was so good to read in! So then she gives it to one of the men. He was reading his sports section and said he would turn it on after he read the sports!  Now I must say that I am lucky at home, because for the most part Ricky is NOT a SPORTS FREAK!! With the exception of LSU football, and He doesn't ever  hoard the controller, except for LSU games!!! But this week, he has watched nothing BUT football... all the bowl games etc. So this morning, before I bitched about our finances, I said I was sick of watching football!!! POOR RICKY, I can be such a bi---! Well as I glance up from my book, I soon realize that in a room that seats 6 or 7  for chemo, all the chairs are taken and I am the only woman in the place. TV goes on and guess what?  ESPN...recapping all the "wonderful" bowl games!!  I humored them and continued to pour myself into "A WOMAN's WORTH"! 

   As I 'm reading I glance up now and then and listen to each man's story. The man across from me is battling a second round of cancer, this time stage three. He says he anxious and  is consumed with worry and can't ever sleep at  night.... The man in charge of the controller only has one more treatment left and he is at the end of his fight, he is feisty and funny!! He's ready to move on and enjoy life.... How do I know this? He asked for water and told the nurse he didn't want cold water, that he couldn't tolerate cold water. She told me that 2 or 3 of these men's chemo makes them not able to  tolerate anything cold, that it kind of sends shocks through their body....Well Mr. TV controller, Very Cajun, I might add, turns to me and says in his heavy cajun accent, "MAIS, I can't drink nuttin cold, but coffee goes down good, MAIS, I even have to drink my BEER HOT!" (Only in south louisiana!) So soon enough my spirits were lifted! But I told all the guys before I left, next week I get the controller!!!  And that is why Chemo is always a trip... sometimes the trip is more humbling than others...

     A few weeks ago I was blessed to meet this little black woman who sat next to me, who cried the whole time we visited. She said her name was "little Tina"  and she turned out to be one of my Christmas gifts that day! She told me that she was sad because she had no one to take care of her and now she was on sick leave from the church rectory as the cook.  I asked her what she liked to cook and she said everything...her best dish is cajun gumbo! But loves to bake. And she said how she loved taking care of people, especially feeding them. What a simple thing, a meal... But for her it's not just a meal, she loves to FEED people, and she probably doesn't even know that she feeds their soul with her dedication and kindness. She said how she was feeling so sick from the chemo that she couldn't cook for anyone, let alone herself. She named some of the other people she worked for in the area and they are all very prominent wealthy people, so I am sure she gets taken care of on many levels, yet I could sense in her a level of loneliness I had never seen. She said she was caring for her nephew, whose mother died during his birth... Her job is big,  she does her best and I pray that her rewards are 7 times her suffering!!!  As she watched Ricky get me settled and ask several times if he could get something for me while he was running errands, when he walked away, she said,"Oh, you better keep that man, he's a good one, they don't make em like that anymore!" She said, "Ya'll look like movie stars, I could work for ya'll"...(she didn't know we had 8 kids when she said that!") When I asked her what her favorite dessert to cook was , she said coconut amaretto cheesecake!!!!!! and she said, "When I get well I'm gonna make you one." To which I laughingly  replied, " I hope you get well soon!" After that day I wondered about her and prayed for her regularly, hoping she was okay.

     Well little TIna came by today, not for chemo, just a quick appointment and visit, she is done with her treatments, praise God! But she was still crying! She came and gave me a hug and I said, "Now little TIna, what are you crying for now?" She said, " I am sad cuz I will miss everyone over here!! And I'm still gonna come work for you.( What a blessing that would be?) 

AHH! The gifts of Chemo, humbled beyond belief, blessed beyond measure, meanwhile it sucks physically... Thats why rainbows come with rain... We have to suffer a little or sometimes alot to get the WHOLE picture, the beauty of the lessons. And yes I am looking forward to COCONUT AMARETTO cheesecake!! Thanks for  this journey, God, be it ever so humbling and miserable and rewarding! 

     p.s. My mom is not well right now, recovering from bronchitis and some serious fluid around the lungs. Please keep her in your prayers. My sisters are doing such a great job of caring for their sick mom and sister... please pray for them too!

"I have a kind and loving God, who will never be outdone in generosity." 

a friend 

    

Riding the Big Ugly Bug!

     I remember a few years ago when Ricky and I went on a Natures Sunshine trip to Disney World and I wanted to ride the TOWER OF TERROR. Ricky said no way, so he sat it out and I road it alone with perfect strangers! I loved it, even though it scared the crap out of me, there was something about the ride that was so frighteningly, exhilarating!  I guess I proved to myself that I can do and conquer things that some people are not willing to do.

     The other day I called a friend who is faced with a difficult issue right now, one that I have also somewhat experienced in my own life and I shared with her my love and support. (Being vulnerable ourselves sometimes allows us to check in to other people's pain more easily) She in turn sent me this card with the picture of this girl riding the "ugly bug". She sent it because she knew WE both understand right now what it feels like to ride the Ugly bug.... kind of like the TOWER OF TERROR... only its real life and we have no choice whether or not to ride... we just do because we have to!!  And we hang on for dear life, because that's what life is to us...DEAR!!! So if our journey is to take us where we are headed then we must hang on even if its scary, and unpredictable. It is sure to land us back in a safe place, where we can "breathe and rise above"...

back to some peace.

    Today I have also included a picture from Malorie's wedding day in August.  That is the last day I can consciously remember being filled with joy and happiness. It was so much fun. Ricky and I danced and laughed and had the best time celebrating Mal and Tyler's love. Oddly enough, I had already found the lump on my breast and I secretly knew that something was not right, yet the cancer had not been confirmed by a lab yet, so I had not engaged in the worry mentality, even though I intuitively knew I had cancer. When I look in the mirror today, I see a different woman. I am lonesome for the Madelene that danced at the wedding and loves a great glass of wine. I see pain in my face where a smile used to be!  I'm a natural "smiler".  I want to smile OFTEN again. I know with all this comes changes that are good, but there are parts of the old me I hope are still inside of me somewhere. And no ride on any ugly bug can take that away...

So for now I'm just hanging on, sooner or later the bug will land in a great place!!

Thank God for a NEW year!!

           Today I am praising God with all my might, because I have hope for a new beginning, new strength and a healthy new year. My new Chemo treatments are kinder and more gentle. I have felt almost normal again. What a relief! I am certainly aware that even these "kinder" treatments will take its toll on my stamina and energy, but not having that burning, nausea on a daily, hourly basis will be a welcomed reprieve. My hope is to feel strong enough to pick up some slack around here and start feeling like a mom again! 

    I sit here in awe of the beautiful lessons my family is learning through this journey. Just this very minute Maddie and Layni walked in my room asking how I felt today and then in Maddie's very nurturing way, she asks if I need anything! They have all truly stepped up to rallly around me and take care of me. What am I saying??? I am the one who is learning lessons from them. I am learning from them how to care for and nurture people when they are broken and unable to care for themselves. They have taught me so much by their attentive care for me, which they learned by watching their DAD!!! What a man!  

    I am very aware that without this experience, I may never have understood the depths of my love for these people God placed in my life! Would I still be waking up each morning with a casual greeting for the day, not realizing the awesome beauty of my life. So it is with deep respect that I thank God for this time of suffering, for it has enabled me to go deep inside and allow myself to be and feel all that is within me. Although this is by far the most difficult time of my life, and some of it would be better forgotten, I hope I can always recall the desperation in my heart while I searched for  God's love through the family and friends who are carrying me through this sweet, and frightening  time. I didn't have to search very far, for he is right there beside me every step of the way. 

   I have 11 more treatments of Taxol and then 6 weeks of radiation, so we are not near done, but somehow today I feel a greater sense of hope, a place to start anew!  My spirit has been refreshed by two days of NO Nausea!!!  

     I have included pics of our pizza outing on Monday....La Pizzaria!!! yummo!! Blanche's boyfriend Matt was with us. I was telling Blanche the other day how it feels like Matt hasn't really met her "real" mom! She said he saw my beautiful wine rack in the living room and asked if I liked wine!!! Three months ago that would have been a stupid question! But one day soon I won't feel the need to curl up in a ball and watch the house twirl around me. Every day brings me closer and closer to better health and a lively spirit. I am wishing all of you a super new year, with blessings of abundance  beyond reason!  

"But as for me, I will enter your house through the abundance  of your steadfast love and mercy; I will worship toward and at your holy temple in reverent fear and awe of You."

Psalm 5:7