great holidays

We just wrapped up the Christmas holiday. It was very enjoyable and I now look forward to my Faulk family all gathering here for New Year's Eve. We are planning a bonfire with guitar playing and singing, thanks to our most recently added family members, Matt and Wade. (both equipped with guitar capabilities and singing expertise!) This could really add a whole lot of fun to the Faulk Holiday Equation!

As I think about how blessed I am with family and friends, I have noticed that at times I carry a sense of uneasiness in my heart, like there is something lurking waiting to snatch my joy! (AKA the devil!) I recently had to endure a long awaited test result, that showed some abnormal STUFF... it all turn out okay, but my ability to trust seems to vanish when it comes to concerns of my health. And I have recently learned that the cancer of a new found YOUNG friend has returned, so I would ask that you all join me in prayer for a miracle for her! She has a strong faith and a desire to see her children grow up! She said her friend reminded her that we are all terminal! So we must get on with living now!

Life is certainly shifting, grandbabies bring us so much joy and laughter, while on a lower note, my mom is aging right before my eyes, and alzheimers is stealing her memory away a little more every day. She doesn't get out much, yet she still functions on a daily basis. I am grateful to have her next door which makes checking on her so much easier! She keeps saying she can't believe she lived to be 80, while her doctor reminds her that most 80 year olds have some form of dementia! She has a hard time accepting that. I keep telling her that the things she forgets, we will remember for her. The cycle of life is challenging, to say the least, but it is what it is! And most of it we can't change! What I try to remind myself to do is appreciate all that is good in my life and try not to complain about what is not right. This coming year may bring an assortment of wonderful experiences and then maybe some difficult ones too. Grant me the patience to deal with both! The New year is bringing us the grand opening of THE DESSERT DIVA, Blair's wish come true! (SO PROUD OF HER)... a new grandbaby on the way in July (Bryan and Kristin's news!), Ricky and I will go on a Cruise to Cozumel in March :), Maddie and Haley will be 16 and LICENSED DRIVERS! Lots of great things yet to come! What a glorious year we shall have!

Perspective!

My, its been a while! Life has certainly been full and hectic lately. Just finished a round of great check ups. That is always a relief! Have been feeling about as back to normal as I probably will get! Thank you GOD!

When I finally started feeling normal, I began to reclaim my old energetic spirit! So I brainstormed this local, Acadiana wide community fundrasier for the Miles Perret Cancer Services. It is a nonprofit, service center that caters to the needs of any cancer patient in our area! I, myself, have reaped the benefits of this wonderful place, where everything they offer is FREE, no charge to the patient! So Paint the Town Pink has kinda been my way of saying thank you! Many schools, businesses and individuals participated and it was deemed a great success. The donations are rolling in, so we don't have a tally yet of the actual amount. I had a goal of $10, 000 in my head, but I am certain without a doubt, that we exceeded that! It was quite a fun event and we will be certain to do it again next year! Above you can see my group of gal pals that helped me celebrate "pink style!" And then there is Audrey picking out her PINK DONUT!

I was also invited to participate in the Acadiana Breast Symposium, which included modeling in a style show, so if you know me well, I was all over that!!! I spent the whole day in the divine company of 29 breast cancer survivors and we were treated ever so royally that day. We were driven around in a limo, treated to a phenomenal meal, a hair and makeup appointment and bags and bags of goodies! It was a great day and as we were riding in the limo the women began to share their cancer stories, and up until that day, my own story was the only one I knew personally! I had always thought that losing my breast would be the ultimate horror of breast cancer, so when I was able to KEEP MY BOOBIES, and just have a lumpectomy and chemo and radiation, I felt relieved. As one of the ladies shared her CHEMO story, a young survivor said, "I can't even imagine the trials of chemo, I was so lucky to have JUST a double MASTECTOMY!" So... PERSPECTIVE, people, it is truly how each of us look at something! We create in our own head and our own mind what WE perceive the truth to be ! SO we can choose to view our "lot" how ever we want to see it. A life lesson for me, from way back, but especially since cancer, is to look at the glass HALF FULL...always, yes always! When I looked at each survivor, one of which was a 3o something year old mom, in stage 4 terminal cancer, and saw the LIFE that exuded them, I swore I would live, live, live life to the fullest. It was an amazing day! I was blessed to be a part of it! ...

Things are a little different around the house lately. WE have opted to take Haley and Maddie out of there normal high school setting. That decision being made after much prayer and a need to have them feel comfortable with each average day! They are presently being home schooled in a classroom setting, taught by a qualified teacher, (NOT ME!) They began in the middle of September and I am happy to report that it is going extremely well! It was a very difficult decision, yet we felt sure we were being led in the right direction! Life can be so challenging, especially when it comes to our kids, but I am certain my cancer experience makes these life choices much easier than they used to be! I am learning to trust that God is always leading us right where we need to be. Learning to make peace with the bumps along the way is getting a little easier every day! My God is a God of abundance who will never be outdone with his generosity! And I am learning to trust that! May God's abundant blessings be with all of you!

Sea World

As we exited the ramp after riding the Journey to Atlantis at Sea World, I was thinking how much fun it was and how grateful I am to be healthy enough to enjoy a family vacation! Really, so truly grateful to be able to do such fun things! We are enjoying a few days vacation in San Antonio at Bryan and Kristin's. Blanche and Matt came to meet us, so we are enjoying being with out Texas kids! Life is so good.... for today, at this moment, which is truly the most important time! Loving the MOMENT!

so the wedding has come and gone!

Wow, now that went quick! All that planning and all those details, now memories we must hold on to and treasure! It was all beautiful! Blanche was a beautiful bride! And the food and flowers were all phenomenal, thanks to my friends and family who all pitched in. Things always go well when they are rooted in love. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such a loving group of people God has placed in my life. My only regret was that we were limited in the number we could affordably accommodate. But that is life, always making compromises.

We have caught our breath again and are now planning a July trip to San Antonio to visit Bryan and Kristin, which will include a day at Sea World with the kids and an evening on the River Walk, as well as a Michael Buble concert for SOME of us! We usually always plan a beach trip, but had already planned the SanAntonio trip before the beach catastrophe! Am praying daily for all those affected by the oil spill. SO sad

Matt and Blanche have returned from their honeymoon, but we haven't had a long visit yet. They will be back here late tonight, in time to spend Fathers Day with Ricky tomorrow! Can;t wait to hear about their trip and see their pics!

Here comes the bride!

This year Ricky and I will celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary on June the 12th. Our daughter, Blanche is getting married this Friday, June the 11th! Have lately been paying close attention to the words "wedding vows"! I was truly a young bride, maybe even obsessed about marrying my high school sweetheart. I remember my wedding day so vividly. It was a warm sunny day, the tux's were MAUVE, truly a sign of the groovy seventies! ( Ricky had a lot more hair then! :) )I was so happy! I had NO clue what growing up together would be like. But that special day was the start of our vows. What I knew for sure was that NOTHING would ever make me walk away from the young man before me, promising his love to me. And then life happened and we were challenged time and again. Six months into our marriage we found ourselves expecting our first baby. We were so happy, ready to start the family we had hoped for... 5 maybe six children! Complications arose in the pregnancy and our first baby boy was born stillborn. It was heart wrenching, more pain than I had ever imagined. There we were, two teenagers grieving a lost child, hoping to be able to one day breathe again after the pain would subside a little! The young man who vowed his love to me grew up a little that year as he tried to carry the broken shell of his young bride. That was our first experience of the depth of the wedding vows! Many trying times followed, along with much joy and many precious memories. Our hardest task, to date, is raising our children... PARENTING... one of my biggest challenges ever! Yet God stands with us as we fumble through and make many mistakes, mistakes that hopefully our children will forgive us for later when they meet similar challenges when they are all parents.
And then came cancer. If at that point I had ever doubted my husband's commitment to me, I am convinced now that love can be so deep, it lives in our very core, in our soul, where it is so profound when we share that kind of love, it is Christ himself, loving our spouse! I have received that love from my spouse, my life partner! I rejoice in our pain, because it gave us an opportunity to love so deeply!
My wish for Blanche and Matt, as well as all of my children, is to find ways to love so deeply. I pray that your lives are blessed with so much joy and with as little pain as possible, but if life presents circumstances that bring suffering and anguish, you will grab hold of each other and support and love each other through every thing, especially the hard times. There have been many instances that would have made it easy to give up and walk away, but we held on to the vows, whenever we couldn't find a thing to love in each other. And with the vows, each time God brought us back to a place of love! I wish Blanche and Matt all the joy in the world and a lifetime commitment of everlasting love and the strength to love deeply even through the tough times. I love wedding vows!

life after cancer!

I like the sound of that...AFTER cancer! Was just having a talk with the twins, explaining how the difficult experience of cancer actually gave us many blessings and lessons we may have never learned without it!

Today I ran into a friend in the store and she tearfully shared how touched she was each time she read my blog. And she said she often still pulls it up to read, even though I rarely post anymore, because she needs to reread my old posts of when I was struggling through some very tough times! Somehow, those intense feelings I was able to convey in writing, moved her, when she was down, she could gather strength through my courage. At the time I didn't think I was courageous... I was just venting my feelings on a blog that happened to be available for others to read. I had prayed that using a blog to journal could possibly touch others who needed to hear my story, but I guess I never really imagined that it did.

What I realize about life is that each of us suffer certain tragedies, things we think we can't survive in one piece! It doesn't have to be cancer, it can be other challenges... relationship struggles, financial burdens, grief, problems with children... it can be anything. And while we suffer through it, it is painful and frightening. I faced my cancer, just as each of you have to face whatever brings you anxiety in your life. None if it can be measured or compared for that matter. My illness, for me was monumental, and life changing, just as your problems are very big to you. What we must keep at the center of it ALL is trust in a God whose plan far outweighs our expectations. It will all pass, sooner or later and yes we will suffer again. Our God is a generous God and he will always be there to lift us out of those miserable places.

Today I feel strong, yet still have that space in my heart that longs for peace. Raising our family is challenging everyday! My teenagers are living in a world that doesn't live by the morals and codes we would want for them. So peace is hard to come by, as we fumble through this thing called parenting. My love for my family has grown day by day, and my experience with cancer was an integral part of our family's love. It is never over... the journey continues as I keep grasping at the lessons that each day, whether filled with heartache or joy, brings! It is what we are all called to do. Easy? No! but so worth it...

It took awhile for me to feel physically strong again, each day is better and better. It will take a lifetime to get spiritually strong, because each day is vital to our spirit! The strengthening of my spirit is a work in progress.

Bryan, Kristin and little Miss Evie!

My son Bryan and his precious little family, had a very awesome photo shoot out here on the farm. Here is a sneak peek of the awesome outcome! ... by Jason Cohen

My place I call home!

Today I treated myself and attended an art expression class at the Miles Perret Center. I have been feeling so unfocused and unsettled lately. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but am sure it has to do with our normal everyday, getting back to life after cancer. Am also beginning a litany of 4 month check ups and bone density tests and a mammogram! Maybe THAT is why I'm a little uneasy... always praying for a great outcome, but not denying that there is always some fear of recurrence! So anyway, I thought I would go the the art class to relieve some of that tension. I love the synchronicity of life!

The instructor is a local artists who's work has been featured in galleries in the south. She was a very sweet young lady, who asked us to paint a picture of our house, one that reflects us, as though we were the house. There were no instructions, just free reign over anything you wanted to express! When I picked up the brush I drew a blank... what does "my house" look like? I felt a surge of anxiety come over me, having to face what my house is! But I dug deep and found there are many pleasant things about "my house"! My real house, the one I live in, is beginning to reflect who I am. Little by little I am getting clearer about what I like and what makes me feel good. I had a conversation about desiring PEACE yesterday before my art class with my friend, Father Buddy! I told him how I strongly desire peace in my life, my family and my heart. It's like after the cancer, I want to choose a life full of love and communicate the peace of our Lord in every moment, but the rest of "my world" didn't get the memo! And then when chaos erupts around me I fall into the ruckus and loose the grasp I have on my peace. But Jesus says to us, "My peace I leave with you"! So what I trust is that even when the outside influences of my life are unsettled, I can draw peace only from God, because he IS our only source of peace. It is normal to desire an outwardly peaceful life, but the peace we hold in our heart, is the truest peace there is! I was intrigued by the stories that each artist shared, all the paintings so reflective of their journey, especially their journey with cancer! I am grateful and humbled by their sharing of their stories! ...

So I finally engaged in the project and have posted my rendition of my "house". I am bright in color and trust in explosive sunsets, (the kind you can't describe), there is comfort in the warmth of my doorway, (I will keep it unlocked so that you may enter my heart), to enter my house you must first cross the threshold of God's peace, ("one that keeps your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus."). The flowers of my life are in bloom again and bring a quiet joy to my soul. There is a rocking chair on my front porch where I can pause in the stillness of love and gently rock with the Lord as the March winds whisper my lullabye! Yes, there is peace in my home, I just have to slow down long enough to embrace it!

I am so glad I took the time to do something for me yesterday, thanks to the Miles Perret Center for helping to feed my soul!

When I came home I chose to put my painting on the mirror ledge in my laundry room, Lord knows I need some peace in that room! When I placed it on the shelf I noticed that the prayer calendar right next to it was open to a page about the peace of GOD! No coincidence, just God's plan!

I love Lent!

Every year I get so excited about Lent! I know that sounds crazy, but it's my time to regroup and get consciously aware of what I am doing in my spiritual life! As I reflect on the experiences I had in this last year, I can clearly see the spiritual ups and downs that accompanied my physical pain! When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I was totally at God's mercy depending on Him for every moment! Then I became so physically challenged, I could not gather up the energy to pray, so others did it for me. As time went on I could clearly feel I was being changed, shaped into something new! I had the most pure "live like you were dying" attitude. I was realizing the preciousness of life and began to appreciate things and people I had taken for granted! For awhile I lived out of a soft smile that acknowledged the goodness in my life, even the goodness in my self... something I had never processed. My children began to connect with the "soft" mom! The one with her guard down, the one who isn't perfect, after all! As days went by, I became unsettled, confused and desperately low spiritually. My once positive attitude had become diminished by the realty of life and its trials. I reflect today on how difficult it was at times to even get out of the bed, to do someone's hair, when my stomach was on fire, from the chemo treatment "they"called the RED DEVIL. There were days when I could have just melted away in the cocoon of my bed... just being still, just BEING! I had never in my life given in to ANYTHING. I, historically always come out swinging. But somewhere in this experience I learned to give in. NOT GIVE UP... but GIVE IN! I had to trust that the journey was for something. When I was stripped of my hair, and even my lashes and brows I felt naked, stripped down with no way to cover myself. I had to come to terms with my vanity and it was difficult, very difficult! And though it wasn't pretty, it was in fact beautiful! I had to be me, with no cover up! I began to like me, dare I even say LOVE me! And that is a great feeling.

At times now I feel more confused than anything, combining bits and pieces of the old me with the new me! I am a new creation, and the pieces don't fit just right yet. And I have learned we are in CONSTANT formation. It never ends. Even today will change me in some way. I pray that during this lent God shows me more of my new self and I pray that he knows I want to do His work. I want to share my life and my story to bring others closer to Him. I ask Him also today to give me a taste of that feeling of the humbled soft mom, whose children trust her love and enjoy her company. My time in the cocoon, the bleakness of winter, the devout time of Lent... all have a purpose, mirrors of life unfolding, redemption and resurrection! But first we must endure and GIVE IN to what today brings. I am so glad to have the faith that God has a plan and is with us in our suffering. Am grateful for the lesson of appreciating all of my blessings, big and small! Enjoy the pictures of my two little blessings of this past year!

I hate good byes!

Had to say good bye again to Bryan and Kristin and Evie, as they packed up everything and headed to SanAntonio where Bryan has begun a new job as a Chiropractor in a medical office! Saying goodbye is always tough for me, especially when it involves my kids! We are a close family and love each others company, whether we're just sitting around doting over the babies or sitting out by the grill sipping on a little wine, beer and capri suns! Life has been kind to us in that way... that we have loving family relationships!

Although I feel sad that I won't get to see them every week, I am rejoicing in the blessings they have in this new part of their journey! Bryan has always loved exploring the cultures and hot spots of everywhere he goes! And San Antonio is LOADED with great things to see, do and EAT! No doubt, by the time we make it there in July he will have many things pegged to help entertain us! Bryan, I am so proud of you and your willingness to embrace each opportunity to accomplish your dreams!

"More than anything, my wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to, your dreams stay big, your worries stay small you never need to carry more than you can hold and while you out there gettin' where you gettin' to I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too, yea this is my wish!"

Rascal Flatts

Ben's latest hunting adventure!

God bless the poor goose who takes refuge in our back rice field. This weekend the limit of birds you could legally shoot was higher because of an over abundance of geese, who are over populating their habitat in the north, so the hunters down here are allowed to "help" eliminate the over population! (or something to that affect!) Anyway, Ben and Mal's husband, Tyler, racked up, they said it was raining geese! I am not a big fan of hunting but Ben wanted me to post his successful hunt and I felt the need to honor that because he rarely says what he really wants!

So it's 2010!

Glad to bid adieu to 2009! Am so excited about the New Year and all the joy it will bring. Am so ready to focus on my blessings and rejoice in them! During the holidays I really did not stay on my healthy eating track at all, but I am so committed to doing it again, effective tomorrow!!! Will get out the Jack Lalane juicer and get juicing again!

Last night we attended a wonderful engagement couples shower for Blanche and Matt. It was such a nice party and they got so many nice gifts and lots of Christmas ornaments! That was a really neat idea, because next Christmas they will have plenty decorations for their first Christmas tree!

Haley and Maddie go back to school tomorrow, but Layni doesn't go back until Wednesday! Time to get back in the old routine. Bryan will fly out tomorrow to San Antonio to begin his new job! Please keep him in your prayers as he ventures out to new beginnings! I know he will do great! Happy New year to all of you, near and far! Thanks for making last year a little more bearable with all of your prayers.