A different kind of Christmas

I wish I could sit here and write about the fantastic Christmas we had and how all is well, but truth be told it was a little difficult. Life as we know it at Christmas time was not at all familiar. We kept it simple with just our kids here...yes I know just our kids means a lot of people. We did that on purpose trying to keep things a little quiet. That was a good thing, because I basically just laid around holding my stomach, trying to find ways to ease up the discomfort. My daughter is dating a really sweet guy, who visited a couple of times during the holidays and I commented how he really hasn't "met" me, cuz who I am today is not the real me... I'm not sure who I will be after all of this, but I am certainly not the person who has to muster up strength to get out of bed and find safe foods to eat that will not tear me up inside. I have realized that I was truly not prepared for the emotional toll the chemo would take on me. I expected physical discomfort, yet even with that,  I thought I would be one of those that "Breezes" through the chemo! If I am honest with myself, I would say it has been hard physically as well as emotionally. Feelings of inadequacy and fatigue sometimes consume my once optimistic mind and it takes everything I have to make it through a day! And right when I'm about to give up I finally start to feel physically better and I rally up and enjoy a few days before my next chemo.

I know that many people have  it much worse than I do and I can't imagine what they must have to go through in their treatments. I believe strongly in a God that carries us when we can not do it alone. More and more I depend on my faith to get us through these times that will bring us to a brighter day. And if I am honest with myself, I can admit that sometimes I am not comfortable in my own skin, that somehow Madelene has gone away and I try to figure out ways to find her again. I have found comfort in tear drops that cleanse me from the inside.  I used to have no patience for my tears, now I relish in them knowing that as each one rolls down my face it has  a purpose in my healing, the one that Jesus is in charge of...my spirit and my life... and as that healing takes place there will be no room for cancer! I pray that I can continue to embrace the beautiful lessons that continue to unfold as we journey through the rest of these treatments. My lessons in love and life are immeasurably important to me as I try to grasp each one and pay close attention to what Jesus is whispering to me as he carries me through the valley. He is telling me to LOVE!  You know what? Christmas WAS different, but it was GOOD!!

A fun visit with cousins!

Today my cousin, Chris Butaud, and his family were in for the holidays. They flew in last night from a very snowy Seattle. We hadn't seen them in very long time.  So we gathered up a few more cousins and had a great little lunch visit! I can remember when we  were little kids and we would all gather at my grandma's house and how loud and chaotic the holiday would be, all the babies and all the commotion, but we had so much fun!  So now we start creating new traditions and memories for each of our own families. It's hard to let go of the old traditions, but as each year passes time presents new situations and events that create our new precious moments. And so the cycle starts anew! The old memories are sweet and so will the new ones be!

Blair's baby Shower!

What a joyous occasion! Today was Blair's baby shower at my friend Nina's lovely home, given by Blair's friends and family. What a great job they did! Everything was so cute, sooo Blair! The food was delicious too! Little Audrey Lane will be well set with beautiful, stylish clothes and a really cute nursery. Only a few weeks away until her arrival. She is due on February the 1st. Mimi better get rockin' on her drapes and bedding. Be sure and check out the "HEEL-ARIOUS" zebra print high heel shoes that Amy gave her!! Today was great, all good. I am so happy for Blair and Glen!

     I am so glad that I have finished the first regimen of treatment, the harshest part is now behind me!! So whatever effect it has on me this time, I won't have to do it again!!! The next round of 12 consecutive weeks will of course not be a breeze, but should be better.

     Dr. Brierre was a good sport again, agreeing to be on my blog cuz now I have as little hair as he and Ricky! 

     Maddie and Haley had their Buddy Christmas play yesterday and they performed  a couple of Christmas skits with their little kindergarten buddies. It was so well done and definitely brought the focus of Christmas on the birth of Jesus for our students at school. It was very touching!

     This Sunday is Blair's baby shower, so we are very much looking forward to that fun day. We have started on decorating the nursery, which of course, will be so "Blair" and cute. She is going with brown and white zebra print and pastel pink, and olive green. Will have to post pictures of Audrey's little room  when we are finished. I am going to try my hand at sewing the curtains. Haven't sewed in a while.

     I don't know why I am sharing this but it was so stupid I feel it's more like a confession. I was told that sometimes on chemo, your thought processes can be affected, which certainly has happened to some degree, so I don't know if I am confusing CHEMO BRAIN with the Faulk curse of A.D.D. ! But the other day when I got in my suburban to go to town, I got all situated with  my bank deposit and my purse and da da da! Then I put the car in reverse and ran into the CLOSED gararge door. Oh how stupid. Cancer teaches me to live in the moment, but that day I guess I wasn't. I called Ricky crying in the driveway and the precious man just comforted me and said it would all be okay. Cancer is teaching him many things too, obviously, cuz I can recall times not so long ago that I MIGHT have gotten screamed at for such a stupid thing!! We are all learning patience and enduring gracefully what this journey presents. I am amazed at the good things that come from this unpleasant situation. God has so many gifts wrapped up in unsuspecting places. 

    So speaking of wrapped up gifts, I have learned this year to not overload myself with the search of  perfect gifts, have even cut down the number of gifts given, not because I don't want to give, I am just so wrapped up in the  awe of those that have given to me. Nothing could ever equally measure what we have been blessed with by friends, family and even acquaintances! I am spending all of Advent in prayer of thanksgiving for all the love we have received. And as each of us await the birth of our Lord I pray that we all give from  our hearts to the Christ we see in everyone during this exciting Christmas season. 

     I was taken by a phrase in one of the songs used in the school play about the faith of Joseph, to accept and agree to join Mary's journey as her husband. I am realizing more and more the value of my faith. Our faith helps us to believe in things we cannot see and even though I can't see my healing taking place, I must have the faith that it is happening! 

"What is faith?... it is the evidence of things we cannot see. God gave his approval to people in days of old because of their faith." Hebrews 11:1-2

Christmas with my Supper Club friends!

Well Christmas is almost here and last night my "gal" friends gathered at Sandra's house. It was a nice enjoyable evening, even though I wasn't able to partake in the wine! These treatments have my stomach not able to tolerate my love of wine and delicious holiday foods. But the company was delightful and I had been needing a girl's night out. I will have Chemo on Wednesday, the last of the yukky RED one!! Then starting the year off, I will begin a different regimen, one that may be a little kinder! Hoping everyone enjoys preparing for Christmas and the pleasures of seeing family and friends! Love to all! Madelene

Who else but Michael Buble to help celebrate a Louisiana Snowfall! Click and listen!

"Sneauxing" in Louisiana!!

Well,  lookie here, theres a snowman at our house!! Malorie called at 5:30 this morning to let us know she was outside at her house in Crowley making snowballs. So we woke everyone up and we made our own little mini snow man! Bryan was not at all impressed, having endured a GAZILLION more times snow in Indiana! Anyway, LET IT SNEAUX, LET IT SNEAUX, LET IT SNEAUX!!! Love the Boudreaux's!

Embracing Christmas...

     I was saying today that when I feel really yukky, its hard to look forward and know that things will be back to normal one day. Yet as each day passes, I know with conviction that I am getting better and the chemo is doing its job, destroying any chance of cancer finding refuge in my body. I thought that today would be a great day to refocus my heart on the goodness of Jesus in this Advent season as we all wait for Him. I must remember, like Maddie said in her KEEP CHRIST IN CHRISTMAS essay, that during this special time of Advent we must welcome Jesus into the world again!   

   I think we all get caught up in what we are waiting for...I'm waiting to feel better, we're waiting on 2 new precious babies, the kids are excitedly awaiting  the holidays with no school and the joys of Christmas, each and every one of us is being called to wait, and in our impatience, sometimes we loose sight of the beauty of the day at hand. For today, I pray that I stop overlooking today's blessings while I anxiously await what is yet to come. For today, I cannot forget to welcome Jesus in my world again, for I know he is here carrying me and each of you through whatever life is presenting us. He is, I know he is.

Third yukky chemo and a Christmas Party

     Three Down and only one to go of the more difficult chemo. I am told that the twelve weekly treatments following these won't be as difficult. I hope they are right. This one wasn't quite as bad as the one before. My meds for nausea were adjusted so it is a little more tolerable. Not great, though! My bed is my best friend now. 

    Yesterday we were invited by the Miles Perret Center to a Christmas Party at the Harley Davidson Place in Scott. I had told the girls we would go, but didn't feel that great, so Blanche drove us over there and we were treated to a sweet little Christmas Party and the girls each got  a really nice gift and got to visit with "SANTA"!! As I look at the pictures I am realizing how grown up they've become over the past few months, not just because they are growing up, but because of the emotional trials they (we) have been through since my diagnosis. All of it has brought us closer together and more sensitive to each others needs. It is all good, just emotionally challenging at times. 

     When we were offered the photo op on the Harley, the girls weren't too excited, but I really wanted to sit on a Harley, so they humored me and took the picture!

After that we came home and I went straight to bed. I am learning to give in when I should, even without guilt, cuz I know I need the rest and the healing time!  I know and trust that I will soon be feeling joyful most of the time again, but for now I am just being honest with what it is! Today is better, each day is better!  Angie, my sister is in town, at my mom's next door, helping confuse today's menu, which is why we'll end up with TWO roasts instead if one!! I do hope I get the old fashioned spaghetti/cheese (macaroni) casserole I requested just like my grandma used to make! It was great for Angie to come lay in my bed and hold me! I needed that. I am loved, yes I am loved!! 

"I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and think about the difference now."

Psalm 77

Fun at Melba's market!

     I know that the pictures make it look like we were set up in a mall or something, but that is the foyer in Melba's  very lovely home. Blair and I went  to Houston on Monday to my friend Melba's house. Every year she hosts a 2 day Christmas shopping party and her friends who have goods to sell set up "Booth" spaces in her home. This year we sold lots of our DIP DIVA dip mixes.  It is always loads of fun, meeting new people and making new friends. I was so touched by the number of people I met who all said they had been praying for me! I am in awe of that, really! It is no wonder I feel lifted every day. It was all so much fun and a great distraction for a change! 

     I got to see my new grand nephew. Donna and Monique came by Melba's for a visit and we got to meet little Jackson Bennett. He is very cute and sweet. Was so glad to finally see him in person. And so speaking of babies... we found out today that Kristin and Bryan are going to have a GIRL!!!! So two little girls are on the way in the Boudreaux family. We are overjoyed and so excited!! So much to look forward to and get well for!

    Chemo is tomorrow  (Thursday) morning. Not much to say about that, except that'll be one more down. It is going faster than I thought it would. Hope this one will not be as rough as the last one.... p.s. I am adjusting to wearing the wig and also gettin comfortable with my shaved head too! Everyone at Melba's thought the wig was MY hair! Funny!! 

Love you all.

"Listen to me! You can pray for anything and if you believe, you will have it. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too."

Mark 11: 24-25

     

      

THANKSGIVING!!!!

WOW! Thanksgiving,  a deeper meaning? A resounding YES!!!  For today I will only give thought to my blessings, because when I woke up this morning and opened my eyes I was already praying, "Please Lord, let me feel good today, please let me have an appetite so I can appreciate all the delicious food my family helped to prepare." And then I realized that very moment the Lord wanted me to feel good and be blessed in this day, it  was  the dern devil that wanted me to wallow in my yuck and stay just like I was the last few days, so I quickly bid him BEHIND me and proceeded to have a great day. I even enjoyed the food and was so grateful for being surrounded by all of my kids and my mom!  

My gratitude list:

I am grateful for my husband, my own personal hero,  and my kids and their spouses,  Mimis 2 grand babies who are on the way, my mom ( and her grandmothers cranberry recipe) my  sisters,(the best you could ask for), my faith, the great food we ate today, Blair's turkey cookies, all the kind people that have cooked for us for the last 2 months, the great people who've cleaned my house,  my doctors and nurses, my friend Kathy who would do anything if she could take this away from me, my friend Cheryl who profoundly knows from experience the balance of suffering combined with not letting the good stuff get away, my friend Jan who quietly shows up with surprises that make me smile, my new friend Jenny, who was diagnosed the same time as me, who I hardly know but already love, my friends from the past who still love me and send me sweet cards in the mail, my friend Melba who has loved me since high school and will entertain me at her house this Monday for a 2 day long holiday Bash ( I can't wait), my friend Laurice who I loved the minute I met her, whose own personal journey would inspire me then and especially now, my friend Sandra whose knowledge of dimpling related to  breast cancer got me to the mammogram in a timely fashion, (she helped save my life!!) my circle of friends in my supper club who have deeply shared their souls with me through thick and thin, who surround me with love every  month, (I hope I give them  even a morsel of what they give me), my friends who are also my clients, you are all so kind and patient and giving, my friends at Rayne Catholic, your love and prayers and meals sustain us all, my kids teachers, (thanks for taking care of my kids at this challenging time), my friend Robin who taught me to trust God and myself, my friend Father Buddy Breaux who listens with his heart and lets me articulate what this all means spiritually to me, my friend Joy whose soup always hits the spot, my friend Caroline, who makes me smile while she always safely and cautiously prepares me for the reality of what life brings physically, she is a natural care taker and would do anything for me, (a superb nurse!), my cousins and Aunts and Uncles who take the time to stay connected to me from miles away, ..... Oh my God there are so many people who've reached out in so many ways, the cards, the relics, the rosaries, the books, the flowers, the plants, the people who helped decorate my room, on and on and on... surprise visits from people I haven't seen in years, the people who read this blog that I never even met before...

and then there are the sunsets, the rainbow I saw the other day, the flowers that are blooming in my flower bed that Stacey cleaned out and Ricky planted, the thanksgiving mass that Father Bill celebrated today, the fire that I will sit by tonight on the patio, sharing a meal with my  kids today, my new mac computer that I'm becoming such a computer nerd on, my job decorating for Ronnie, Melba's husband (he is the kindest, most generous boss anyone could have), less hot flashes (thank you Our Lady of Menopause), the weather today, childhood memories of turkeys made from apples and marshmallows, (thanks Donna and John) , the promise of  the Birth of our Lord.... I love my life, I am extremely blessed, I am forever grateful to God and all of you for a life experience that pleases me beyond my wildest dreams. Daddy, if you're in heaven reading this email, lol, know that I am grateful that God chose you to be my Dad, you taught me the importance of a positive attitude and a kind smile for everyone, you will always be my hero! The lessons I learned from you are the essence of why I can make it through each day of chemo, fighters never give up and always intend to WIN! Even though I call this my DANCE! Triumph, I will!

(The top picture is Blanche hugging Blair and Lil Baby Audrey, with me to the left with no butt and no hair!)

My emotion, uncensored!

     It's been a long two months and for any of you who've followed this blog, you know that I have tried to keep it real and pleasantly entertaining, but I have come to a place that can't be embellished by carefully chosen words, for there are no words. But the pictures, my friends will not lie. The truth is captured in my eyes, reflective of the much needed  bravery I must  claim every morning when I face a new day, yet these same eyes cannot  hide the pain and disappointment and anxiety that I feel when I really think about what is unfolding in this process called chemo therapy. 

     It is no secret that I am a vain person. I love trendy clothes and shoes and have a serious addiction to lipstick, mascara and eye makeup. It is part of who I am. It is my job! People pay me to help them look good! So at  the onset of my hair finally beginning to fall out, I felt myself slide into a frenzy of emotion!  I had read that 70-90% of the women who have breast cancer's worst fear is the hair loss. I now understand that high percentage rate. It really feels SUCKY to loose your hair, NO LIE!  Our hair is such a part of who we are as women. And even though I have spent all of my parenting years saying, "It's what's on the inside that counts!", now I have to embrace those words myself and make them really count. So digging as deep as I can, I am seeing that I truly do love myself. I love my sense of humor, I love my gutsiness for opening my heart to having a big family,  (I didn't really know how hard it would be) I love my creative mind and my willingness to participate in life, I love my devotion to my friends and theirs' to me, I love my willingness to admit my failures  and imperfections (only newfound since the cancer!) I love my eyes, because they can't hide my smile, I love my positive attitude (sometimes hard to muster lately) and I love my willingness to be honest. This may all seem boastful, but I feel its important to embrace our "good stuff". It is the essence of what God created in us. Somewhere in all of this I am finally "GETTING" that God doesn't want us sitting around doubting our deservedness! He doesn't want us wasting precious moments focusing on our inadequacies, and our faults and failings. He wants us to rise up and and feel empowered by the experience that life is providing. He wants us to empower others. We can praise him through our grateful hearts, even when our life is challenged, because no matter what, there is always something good going on in our circle! There are blessings even in the worst of days.  I want my children to  learn early in life to appreciate  all the goodness they possess, before they doubt the very blessings they have inside. But sometimes, even when we know all the "good stuff" life just creeps up and zaps you of your MOJO! That happened to me on the third day of this second round of chemo! I felt like crap, nauseated as hell,  and got really depressed laying in bed with hair shedding all over my pillow! So today when I woke up with hair in my mouth, I decided it was SHAVE THE HEAD DAY! I had to have Ricky around for that big task, cuz he is my earthly ROCK. But the twins wanted to help too, while Bryan and Kristin would handle the photo journaling of the event! It was emotional, to say the least. But I feel set free now that it's over. Amen to that! Above are the pictures that captured my emotion for the day. It is REAL! REALLY REAL! If you have followed along on this blog feeling the slightest bit tempted to post a comment and have not done so I encourage  you to do so now. And if you don't, that is certainly okay too! I am in awe that any one even follows this blog/ journal! You can not fathom how deeply I value your love and support. I do this blog to express myself, to purge and cleanse all that rises up from my soul, to help me cope, but some where along the way God whispered to me that  it was for you too! I think that sometimes we all stand guarded with our words for fear of not saying the "right" thing, while the "recipient" of your unspoken words waits anxiously to gather every morsel God can send through those we love! I love you all so much.  I guess today wasn't a total waste of hairspray after all!  

Cancer is limited... It cannot silence courage,  it cannot invade the soul, it cannot reduce eternal life  and it cannot quench the spirit.

Oh, YIE-YIE!

CHEMO, TAKE TWO!

Today I had my second round of chemo. Malorie dropped by for a quick visit, which helped make the time go by a little quicker. I went in the afternoon and it was quiet in the treatment room. I ended up all by myself and got to visit with the nurses and Dr. Brierre. We laughed and had a good time. I am in awe of their gentle, kind way of helping their patients feel so at ease. In a time and place that is so unfamiliar, I find myself putting all of my faith and trust in the belief that God has led me exactly where he wants me.  And in an odd,  bittersweet way this experience, although challenging and scary, is bringing peace, joy and new friendships. God is good in the sneakiest way! 

"Do not be afraid! Don't be discouraged by this mighty army, for the battle is not yours, but God's."

Chronicles 20:15

PINK HAIR!

Okay, I did it! My hair is PINK!! When I woke up this morning I was beginning to SHED! So all day I anticipated big clumps of hair falling out, but it never got much worse. So I decided that today would be a good day to do the pink hair thing, since tomorrow may be too late. I think the kids were shocked that I really did it. Day by day I am coming to terms with the hair loss situation. Day by day, I am realizing I have very little control over much. So tomorrow if my hair starts to REALLY fall out a lot we will shave it all off. I can have control over the day that I go completely  bald!! For today, I'm just a regular rock star mom!

Everyone has fun with my wigs!

I've been feeling great lately, thanks be to God. Last night Father Buddy came over and we all had a great visit. Father Buddy is a dear friend of our family. We don't see him as often as we would like but when we do it is always good!  We shared some great food and wine, played with my wig and hat collection and had a deep talk about the effect the cancer has had on me as well as the rest of the family. It felt good to  talk about the whirlwind we have been through and appreciate how close it has brought my family. I expressed that my usual response to most things lately is tears. Not really of anger or extreme sadness, although I do feel sad at times. But the tears have been about being "full"! Like the fullness of the HOLY SPIRIT. A full heart, overflowing with love, because so much has been given to me as a result of the breast cancer.  I could never properly express how grateful I am to each person who has reached out to me, cooked for us, prayed for us, sent cards and letters. I am in AWE of God's bountiful love! That brings joy to my heart and that is why I cry.  I am  so blessed.

     I still have my hair and have cut it extremely short in anticipation of shaving it before it falls out. In the picture above, I am wearing the wig that I got that seems most like my natural hair.

I'm guessing that it  will begin to fall out any day now. I am preparing a HAIR slideshow for that "special" day! I am still holding true to my promise to my children to color it PINK before the last day. So for at least one day they will have a ROCK STAR mom!

"How we thank you Lord,  your mighty miracles give proof that you care."

Psalm 75:1

A Boudreaux Family Picture

Well, here we are... all 13 of us! THE WHOLE FAM DAMILY!!  My special request to all of my kids was to take a family picture, before I lost all my hair as a result of the chemo. They agreed and since Bryan has been dabbling in photography he agreed to try to capture the essence of our family. So amidst the whining, laughter, complaining and  even a SNAKE... I think he succeeded! When I look at us all together, I can hardly believe this is our very own big, hu-normous family. What a blessing! I am so glad we did this.  (In the bottom photo from left to right are: Glen and Blair, Ben, Maddie, Layni, Me and Ricky, Haley, Blanche, Tyler and Malorie, Kristin and Bryan.)

You can click on each of these two pictures to get a closer view of each photo. Then you can really see how cute and gorgeous each of our kids and their spouses are!! Okay, I know I'm bragging!

"You are members of God's family... We who believe are carefully joined together, becoming a holy temple for the Lord." 

Ephesians 3: 19-21

Getting back on track!

     Well I guess this is all a learning experience. I've learned that day # 3 of chemo for me, is not that great. Some of the medicine kicks in and some of it wears off! It left me with some unresolved nausea that lingered most of the day and night. I was able to alleviate it with the nausea medicine and next time I will not let it get ahead of me! I was told that the shot used to boost the white blood count would possibly cause some bone and joint pain, likely by the 6th day. That has not happened as of yet, so I am glad I haven't had to deal with that pain and the nausea at the same time. So far, all in all, if this is as bad as it gets, then I am grateful that I can manage through most days normally with only mild modifications. I am learning the signals of my body and have a tremendous respect for when it calls me to rest. I don't get out much yet, can't figure if that's a physical or emotional response, but for now HOME feels the best!    

     The other night when I was feeling so weak and so rotten  I gave up and laid in bed, as STILL as I could, Ricky took some time to just sit and grill with a couple or 4 beers. I was glad he was trying to chill out and then suddenly everyone was scurrying about, fetching towels and mops. When somebody finally came it the bedroom to tell me what was going on I realized that a water pipe had burst in the outdoor kitchen/ bathroom wall.... Surely you jest, Jesus? So much for Ricky relaxing. He jumped right in, cut the sheetrock, stopped the leak, cleaned it all up, (with the help of a few Boudreaux's) and finished up supper and never complained. He said we can add PLUMBER to the list of  "NURSE, DOCTOR, COACH, TAXI, CHEF, LAUNDRY/MAID, .... He is all that and much more. Each day, more and more his love for me astounds my soul! Thank you God for my family and friends. 

     It has been such a rollercoaster of emotion, dealing with my feelings, as well as everyone else's, dealing with my physical limitations, and managing doing things, that before, never took much thought. We have to cautiously plan and schedule important things, so they don't fall around the first few days of chemo. Lessons are being learned everyday and I am embracing the sweet moments of needing God so desperately.

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak, I am strong."

2 Corinthians: 8-10

POO YIE! YUK!

Me and My Two Bald Guys!

Today I had an appointment with Dr. Joseph Brierre for my injection for my white blood count. He was a really good sport when I pulled out my camera and told him he'd be on my blog tonight. It is important for me to include the pictures because these are the special people God has placed in my path to help me along to restored health. Not only has he sent me competent, knowledgeable people, but they are good hearted, faith filled individuals who make me feel safe in their care. And for that I am grateful.
So as you can see in the picture, at first glance Dr. Brierre and Ricky do kinda look alike. In a few days when I'm as bald as the two of these guys, we'll take another picture!

"No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
1 Thess. 5:18

Chemo and ORGANIC GUMBO!! (bet I have your attention now!)

Bet you're wondering how I can combine my first chemo story with GUMBO! What do you expect when "Boudreaux goes for chemo?" So I started the day asking God to take away my anxiety and when I was ready to give it up, he took it and it vanished. Thanks for the prayers for that. The unknown is always the scariest part of doing something new. God replaced my fears with courage, (add courage to my new favorite words list) Speaking of courage, the young man in the picture with me is Stephen Prevost. He is a cousin of mine (on the Zaunbrecher side) Stephen has been undergoing treatments for cancer for quite some time. I was humbled to share my chemo time with such a fine young man who amazes the nurses with his tenacity and ability to keep on truckin' in spite of his rigorous treatments. Please keep Stephen in your prayers each day. Soooo anyway, the gumbo thing... Stephen was telling Ricky and I that he was on an all organic diet, and said that he had made an Organic Gumbo. Well, of course we got the recipe and will try it out. His cute little fiance', Sara, said you would never know it wasn't regular gumbo. He makes his own roux with organic whole wheat flour and olive oil and then adds the other organic ingredients of choice! There's one of the unexpected blessings of chemo.
The actual process of the chemo was surprisingly painless (all that wasted anxiety and worrying for nothing!) The little stick to insert the needle into the mediport was easy and I didn't have any particular sensation as the drug made it's way throughout my body "cleaning house" as someone described it to me. I did have a nagging headache today and really laid low all afternoon. The next few days I may have some bone and joint pain associated with the meds given to boost my white blood count. Everyone reacts differently, so this week is like my trial run, so then I'll be able to gauge how I can schedule work, play and rest according to MY own individual reaction to all this STUFF!.
The nurses were super and I think going to a small center will have some great benefits as far as patient/nurse ratio and relationship. Everyday I thank God for the unique individuals he sends my way to care for me. The nurses in the picture will be my "peeps" for the next few months. Both of them are named Tracy. I made a new friend over the phone through Dr. Breaux's office. One day soon she and I will meet in person, but for now we just support each other over the phone, journeying into the unknown. Her name is Jenny and she also started her chemo today (in the Lafayette office... I was able to do mine in Crowley as a convenient location) Please pray for her as well. Well that's all I know for today. As each day unfolds time will tell me what to expect. For today, LIFE IS GOOD, WAY BETTER THAN I EXPECTED!

"And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure to his stature or to the span of life?"
Matthew 6:27

Layni's Birthday Party

Layni was all smiles posing here with her friends and I while we celebrated her birthday at Pizza Hut. After she and her friends enjoyed their pizza we had birthday cake at home. She plans to buy a digital camera with the $$ she got for her birthday. Maybe she can help take pictures for the blog now! 

Remembering good times and making new memories!

We thoroughly enjoyed our weekend at the lake. My mom got to fish again for the first time in 12 years. It was her first trip back to Toledo Bend since Dad passed away. She was such a trooper, even though the fish were not really biting, she was so glad to drop a line in the water!! It took her a while to relax and get beyond the fact that it made her sad to be there without Dad. We took her to see her old camp and her next door neighbor from 12 years ago was outside and they were both so very glad to see each other. Ms. Alma, (the old neighbor) said that she had just thought about Mom this week and she couldn't believe that she "showed up" this weekend! God always has a plan! It was definitely bittersweet. Haley and Maddie brought along Sarah Ledet, a friend, and the three of them and Layni had fun on the dock and helping Aunt Sheila collect firewood for the the firepit. Of course we had S'mores for dessert! Ricky kept Momo all rigged up for fishing and each time the little bream would steal her bait, she'd say, "One more worm and that's it, I quit!" Then she'd get a good bite and say okay,  one more time!! She hasn't smiled like that in a while. I am so glad she decided to come along. Brooke came with Blanche. She is like one of the fam and always makes me laugh! Sheila and I taught Blanche and Brooke about the value of a good red wine and  I must say they learn very quickly! They stayed out by the fire very late and enjoyed their wine after the S'more Fest! Sheila and I didn't understand why they didn't have hot flashes in the night after drinking too much  wine... Oh yeah, there in their twenties....not their fifties!!  Life is good. So very good! I do feel anxious when I first wake up each day and then I remind myself of all that is right in my world and God lifts me up again. With Tuesday being my first day of chemo, we decided to celebrate Layni's birthday early and have her party tomorrow (on Monday)  afternoon. She will be 11 on the 10th. Now that's something to celebrate! Am trying to still be Mom in the midst of a whirlwind of change and disruption. My children have been patient and loving in spite of the turmoil. A birthday celebration will  make tomorrow a very special day. 

"Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children."

Lamentations 2:19

Another Super Weekend On Tap!

     Tomorrow, on Friday, we will make one more trip to Toledo Bend to the lake house. We need to deliver some outdoor furniture for the front porch. So, this time we will bring my mom so she can see this great place we've been going on and on about. I know it will be bitter sweet for her, because she and Dad had a camp there years ago and some of there best memories were created there. Sheila is also coming so we can bring mom to see her old camp and visit the little town that she and dad used to enjoy going to. Mom was adamant about getting to fish this weekend, so Ricky was busy all afternoon getting fishing rod and reels ready. 

     This trip will be great.... am feeling really good and will enjoy all the beautiful surroundings and come home ready to start my treatment which begins on Tuesday! At this point, I feel like the sooner we start the sooner I'll be finished! Or like a friend of mine's mom used to say,"Let's go, so we can come back!"   So I guess I'm ready to rock and roll.

     Today I had a wonderful massage (a birthday gift from my sisters). As I lay there, completely relaxed, listening to the gentle sound of water, first like waves , then like water tapping on the bottom of a boat, which then led into the sound of water trickling down a stream, I could picture Jesus there with me teaching me to be in the moment and feel the gentle rhythms of the water,  and as I had some fear creep in about all that is up and coming I felt Him assure me that He would  never leave me and he would give me all the strength I will need and he will send to me the right people at the right time to walk me through this journey,  just as he has in the last few weeks. That was truly the best massage I have ever had. 

      I was saying the other day how  a line in Michael Buble's song, LOST, resonates so deeply in my heart... it says, "I hardly recognize the girl you are today and God I hope it's not too late. You are not alone and I am here with you."...

 And really whenever I look in the mirror I don't really recognize myself, because everything seems different and changed, not really in a bad way,  but just not the same. It's a little scary, but I do feel that I'm not alone, God is with me and my family and friends make the journey easier. My heart is different, it is "a new",  in a tender good way! Soon it will feel familiar and comfortable again.   

       Please continue to pray for me as the first chemo day gets closer. And know that I pray for each of you everyday for your own intentions and your own personal journeys. We all need each other, don't we?  My niece, Monique's baby is due any day now so keep her in your prayers too! This will start a series of  SIX new babies that our family will be blessed with in the next few months! So many good things happening, how could we possibly stay stuck in the yuk? 

God Bless.... Madelene

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become a new."

2 Corinthians 5:17

A HARVEST PARTY

        What a great time we had celebrating my sister, Sheila's birthday on Saturday. All thanks to Angie, who had it all together from "bobbing for apples" all the way to, GET THIS, "pin the accessories on Aunt Sheila!!" And Momo Joyce and Pizza Hut furnished the supper! As you can see it was not just the kids who had all the fun. We laughed a lot and  enjoyed seeing the kids have some good old fashioned fun at a  harvest/Halloween party. 

    For the first time in a while I spent a few hours not even thinking about breast cancer.  I love spending time with my sisters, sad Donna wasn't there! And the little kids are such a HOOT to watch. Am looking forward to watching grandbabies of my own very soon!

"Oh, the joy of those who trust the Lord!"

Psalm 40: 4

Feeling better and facing reality!

     I am just gonna be as real as I can be with my words today. I finally feel so much better. I actually slept through the night all night last night and when we woke up, Ricky said thank you. Not like I had any control over that but he deserved a good night's sleep too! I still have some energy issues but yesterday I was able to start walking again and that felt good and I have been working in small increments and that too is working out well. My clients are so understanding and flexible, I am blessed to work the way I do. 

     I have an appointment with the oncologist on Wednesday and am feeling anxious about the treatment plan. I have tried not to overload myself with unnecessary info from the internet, so that I don't begin to dwell on what it "might" be like. Chemo (a word I am not fond of) will be once every other week for 8 weeks and then once a week for 12 weeks, followed by daily radiation for 6 weeks! I have had many people tell me that they functioned just fine during their treatments and others who were very challenged physically. Each case is so different. I do know I will value your prayers and support during this time as I have during the last few weeks. I am hoping to feel good especially for Thanksgiving and Christmas to enjoy my family and be able to keep up! Only time will tell and I do know that the end result, no matter how difficult the journey, will be great. For the moment, I am delighted to be feeling good and have enjoyed doing normal things. Maddie and Haley are in the league 8th grade  volleyball tournament this weekend as well as Layni in the 5th... playing in different towns so Ricky and I  are splitting the games up and right now I am taking a rest. They are all super players and are excited to be in the playoffs. 

      I hope to continue to be able to see most of their games, (they will start basketball as soon as volleyball is over). They are very understanding and know that some days I may not feel so great. They are embracing the lessons of life as  we go through this experience together. They are such GIVERS and they are always concerned about my comfort and well being. 

     Lately when I was feeling so exhausted and the drain was giving me fits, for the first time ever in my whole life I had some depression. The kind that won't allow you to smile and you don't even want to! And when people say "How are you?" you can't even fake it and say"Okay!"

But the lesson in that is just learning to be real and accept that "It is what it is!" And thankfully inevitably it passes and then you have some really good days! I am so grateful for the good days. Sometimes I wake up abruptly in the night and get consumed with a wave of huge, anxious, fear and I have to dig deep inside to rally out of it with prayer so intense that it must just wear Jesus out! But he carries me through and my faith gets restored and I know I am being healed and I thank Him for that. I thank Him, too, for the enlightening experiences that come with the cancer that bring me closer to those I love  and  my appreciation for life gets more and more magnified.... these are the true gifts of the cancer! And I am blessed to receive them!

    Today is Sheila's (my sister) birthday, so Angie(my sister) is putting together a "HARVEST  THEMED PARTY" at mom's. So I guess we'll bob for apples and have a fun time tonight. Love to all... PEACE OUT!

"The harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send out more workers in the field."

Matthew 9:37-38

Think Pink Day for Miles Perret Center

                                Me and Maddie and Haley and Layni at THINK PINK DAY!

     First things first, THE DRAIN IS GONE, Thank you Jesus!!! Am so relieved to be able to move more freely. We now pray that my body knows what to do with the lymphatic fluid that was going into the drain. 

     Pink Day at Rayne Catholic was awesome. The kids all paid fifty cents and could dress in pink and all the proceeds went to the Miles Perret Center in Lafayette.  Our little school is the best and they always step up to serve our surrounding community. Thank you to Mr. Menard, our principal and to Kristina Lavergne who did a fine job of putting it all together. Kristina did a great job of explaining to the kids what the Miles Perret Center is all about and how the center serves those in our area who have are fighting and surviving cancer, with care and compassion. During the morning assembly the students gathered to pray for any loved one who has been affected by cancer. Then later in the day  each class was treated to a variety of Pink snacks. It was all beautifully inspiring! Our children are very spiritually grounded, because of the giving heart of our school!

Weekend Re-TREAT with my girlfriends

     Here is a slideshow from my very relaxing weekend at a beautiful lakehouse at Toledo Bend with some of my great friends. Thanks Melba and Ronnie for the privilege of staying there, it was awesome! I was so proud to show off this beautiful home that was such fun to decorate.             Great food, Great wine, Great weather and Great company! I was well taken care of. Wasn't feeling exactly up to par, but gave it my best shot. My friends made me laugh and lifted me in prayer and what started out to be just a girly weekend, ended up being a deep spiritual retreat. I guess when you are surrounded with friends that love you and the beauty of Mother Earth, the Holy Spirit can't help but show up. I was reminded of the power of prayer and the importance of love and support from those that love me. I need all of you to know how thankful I am for your constant prayer. Some days I feel so anxious, and I am certain it is your prayers that lift me out of the valleys. 

     Am planning to see  Doctor Breaux  tomorrow to see if he can figure out what to do about this lingering drain issue. I was hoping to have some peaceful, pain-free days before I start my chemo. So lets all be in agreement in prayer that I will be blessed with that real soon. 

    Ricky was so adamant about me getting away and enjoying myself and of course while I was away, he had everything completely under control with the kids. It is through his love and support and encouragement that I am able to cope each day. I have always known that he loves me, and that I love him.... but there has been a renewed sense of devotion between the two of us that can't really be measured, a true reflection of the "in sickness and in health" vows we took so many years ago. I am in awe of his affection for me and love him more and more each day. I have never had so many tears of joy! I am so blessed. Enjoy the slideshow, we had such a great time. Tomorrow is our THINK PINK day at school! Will try to take pictures to post!

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am in the midst of them."

Matthew18: 19-20

                                                                           

Headed to Toledo Bend

Going away for the weekend to relax and have some quiet/fun time. Wish I could leave the drain at home and be comfortable on this little vacation. Am getting very tired and restless, hope I can enjoy myself in spite of the discomfort. Will certainly take it easy and chill! Will post on Monday once I'm home and settled. I will be surrounded by friends who love me and will be great nurses! God bless and have a great weekend!

Never had so much fun in one night!!

So here we are at THE MICHAEL BUBLE CONCERT!! Blanche Boudreaux,( my daughter) Me, Kathy Reed, Cheryl Guidry, Brooke LeLeux, and Kristin Boudreaux(my daughter in law)  So here's the story, first we went to Zea's to eat and it was so delicious. While we were eating I told the girls how I wanted "Mr. Buble" to know how much I loved his song "LOST" and how the words and melody were such a comfort to me during these last few weeks, so with Blanche's approval, (I didn't want to embarrass her) I wrote Michael a note and Brooke volunteered to figure a way to  get it to him back stage. Then on to the concert. We older girls had 4th row seats and the young girls were up in the nosebleed section, so we all took a pic together down by our seats and while we were taking our picture this big guy jumps in with us to be in our picture and he has a name taggy thingy on, so we're thinkin he's like a sound guy or something. Turns out he's in the band! So we tell him of our plot to get the note to Michael and he says let me see what I can do. So I guess for the first time, having cancer worked out on my behalf!! Then he comes back and says to me "How about you give Michael the note yourself, here are 4 backstage passes to his after party, please join us!" Yes, you heard me, BACKSTAGE with Michael Buble'! Well if any one is up on their math you can count there were 6 of us and only 4 backstage passes, so my two sweet friends graciously bowed out and the young girls and I got the passes!  So, our 4th row seats were so awesome, we were so close we could see the perspiration drops on his forehead... if he would've farted we would have smelled it! LOL He was ever so entertaining, certainly the best concert any of us had ever seen. The "after party" turns out to be a handpicked selection of "girls only" that get to visit backstage with the band, one criteria, NO PICTURES OR AUTOGRAPHS!!! So you'll just have to take my word for it that we really were backstage.  We did get a few pictures in the corridor with some of the band and then got to shake Michael's hand and say hello. He was all freshly showered and in his t-shirt and as Blanche describes it, she didn't want to wash her hand for fear of washing away the lingering smell of his yummy cologne!  All in all it was  great fun, a wonderful distraction from the stresses of the last few weeks. When I finally pooped out, Blanche and Brooke returned to the after party til the band members loaded the bus. They had fun visiting with the guys and found out that the basic criteria for gettin a backstage pass is GOOD LOOKS... now I guess you could add breast cancer to that too! Oh what fun we had!! 

"Well done, thou good and faithful servant.... enter thou into the joy of thy lord."

Matthew 25:21

Now I'm looking forward to Friday to our Toledo Bend Trip!