Feeling better and facing reality!

     I am just gonna be as real as I can be with my words today. I finally feel so much better. I actually slept through the night all night last night and when we woke up, Ricky said thank you. Not like I had any control over that but he deserved a good night's sleep too! I still have some energy issues but yesterday I was able to start walking again and that felt good and I have been working in small increments and that too is working out well. My clients are so understanding and flexible, I am blessed to work the way I do. 

     I have an appointment with the oncologist on Wednesday and am feeling anxious about the treatment plan. I have tried not to overload myself with unnecessary info from the internet, so that I don't begin to dwell on what it "might" be like. Chemo (a word I am not fond of) will be once every other week for 8 weeks and then once a week for 12 weeks, followed by daily radiation for 6 weeks! I have had many people tell me that they functioned just fine during their treatments and others who were very challenged physically. Each case is so different. I do know I will value your prayers and support during this time as I have during the last few weeks. I am hoping to feel good especially for Thanksgiving and Christmas to enjoy my family and be able to keep up! Only time will tell and I do know that the end result, no matter how difficult the journey, will be great. For the moment, I am delighted to be feeling good and have enjoyed doing normal things. Maddie and Haley are in the league 8th grade  volleyball tournament this weekend as well as Layni in the 5th... playing in different towns so Ricky and I  are splitting the games up and right now I am taking a rest. They are all super players and are excited to be in the playoffs. 

      I hope to continue to be able to see most of their games, (they will start basketball as soon as volleyball is over). They are very understanding and know that some days I may not feel so great. They are embracing the lessons of life as  we go through this experience together. They are such GIVERS and they are always concerned about my comfort and well being. 

     Lately when I was feeling so exhausted and the drain was giving me fits, for the first time ever in my whole life I had some depression. The kind that won't allow you to smile and you don't even want to! And when people say "How are you?" you can't even fake it and say"Okay!"

But the lesson in that is just learning to be real and accept that "It is what it is!" And thankfully inevitably it passes and then you have some really good days! I am so grateful for the good days. Sometimes I wake up abruptly in the night and get consumed with a wave of huge, anxious, fear and I have to dig deep inside to rally out of it with prayer so intense that it must just wear Jesus out! But he carries me through and my faith gets restored and I know I am being healed and I thank Him for that. I thank Him, too, for the enlightening experiences that come with the cancer that bring me closer to those I love  and  my appreciation for life gets more and more magnified.... these are the true gifts of the cancer! And I am blessed to receive them!

    Today is Sheila's (my sister) birthday, so Angie(my sister) is putting together a "HARVEST  THEMED PARTY" at mom's. So I guess we'll bob for apples and have a fun time tonight. Love to all... PEACE OUT!

"The harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send out more workers in the field."

Matthew 9:37-38